18 Things Only People Who Are Referred To By Their Last Name Will Understand
As soon as one person starts calling you by your last name, it's all downhill from there. It paves the road for everyone else to follow suit, and before you know it, five years have passed and you can't even remember what your first name is yourself!
You've tried fighting the useless battle of convincing people to call you by your first name, but you have yet to prevail. You've accepted your fate as a person who will simply never be referred to by your first name.
It's okay; you are definitely not alone and I am here to help shed some light and a little humor on this all-too-familiar situation.
Enjoy the 18 things that happen when you're only referred to by your last name:
1. Your friends introduce you by your last name
Hi. No, my name is not Fern; it's Ashley. I am not a lesbian, I was not in "Jawbreaker," and no, I am definitely not a plant.
2. You haven't been called by your first name since high school
You actually cannot recall a time when the majority of people you encountered called you by your first name.
3. Your parents are genuinely confused when they hear your friends speak to you
Chances are you're bringing your friends home with you to meet your family at one point or another. Just because you're in front of your relatives doesn't mean your friends are going to break the habit of calling you by your last name.
4. After being friends for months, people have actually asked you what your first name is
This actually happens.
5. Hooking up with your friends is just awkward
Like, what are they even supposed to call you? Literally, the first time I hooked up with my ex he called me by my last name. I left and we didn't speak for two weeks. (Sorry, Dad.)
6. You can count, on one hand, how many people call you by your first name
You can actually name, on the spot, which of your friends call you by your first name and which call you by your last name.
7. When introducing yourself, you become confused with what to say
You have become so accustomed to others introducing you by your last name, so to avoid confusion, do you do the same? Or do you introduce yourself by your first name? Ugh.
8. You are all-too-familiar with the phrase, "Oh! That's you!"
You go out to meet your friends, who are of course with people you have never met before. You introduce yourself by your first name, but before you know it, your friends are calling you by your last name. The people you just met finally realize just exactly who you are.
9. You forget you have a first name
After going through life as a surname, it's hard to remember your roots.
10. When people call you by your first name, you hesitate before responding
Am I sure these people are talking to me? It's a rare, rare occurrence when someone calls out your first name, so obviously your immediate reaction is to assume this person must be looking for someone else.
11. When teachers did role call, they mixed up the order of your name
I've always been confused as to how this happens. The teacher is reading everyone else's name the proper way, but somehow screws up your name. Smith, John: Is John here? Gold, Jessica: Is Jessica here? Fern, Ashley: Is Fern here? No! She f*cking isn't! Now move along.
12. It feels like you're getting yelled at
When someone other than a friend refers to you by your last name, you can't help but feel as if there is some sort of negative connotation attached to it.
Maybe this goes back to the days when our parents shouted at us using our full names when we were in trouble.
13. If you're a girl, people just assume you're a guy
It's usually guys who are referred to by last name. But, hey! This isn't always the case.
14. You have a variety of nicknames that are based on your last name
B. Shaw, B. Green, J. Roth... The names know no bounds here.
15. If you're a woman, you realize the only day this will stop will be your wedding day
Honestly, even though your last name will change, people will probably still continue to call you by your maiden name.
16. Team shirts are always easy
You've had a nickname since before you can even remember. It's time to embrace this fact and take it for all it's worth.
When it's time to choose a name to go on the back of your shirt, it's f*cking easy! You have endless options to choose from.
17. People actually think your last name is your first name
If you have two first names, this is a whole different situation. (Come on, what sociopaths would name their child Fern?) People become genuinely confused and think you're kidding when you try to correct them.
18. You become offended when people who aren't your friends call you by your last name
Bitch! You don't know me!
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