6 Ways Christmas Is Exactly Like The Unhealthy Ex You Run Back To

by Monica Simon

It’s that time of year again; Christmas carols on a beautiful winter night, cozy cuddles with your significant other by the fire and … wait, this sounds a little too good to be true, no?

Let me try again.

It’s that time of year again; screaming toddler cousins fighting over expensive toys, sibling rivalries over who spent the most on your parents’ presents and stressful family gatherings that feel a little too forced.

Okay, it’s not all that bad. Then again, isn’t that why we all stay in unhealthy relationships? If they were all bad we would leave, but the good keeps us coming back for more.

It's the same with Christmas and New Year’s Eve. It’s stressful and intense and a lot of crap crammed into one month, but when you look back on it, it really wasn’t that bad. I mean, it was pretty great, right? Why’d it have to end?

Are you confused about how you seem to love and hate the holidays at the same time? Yeah, everyone else is, too. It’s really quite simple, though; the holidays are just like an unhealthy relationship. Everyone wants to be happy and expects to be happy, but no one gets the time to actually be happy.

It’s okay, though. Much like that unhealthy relationship you had in college, the holidays will soon pass, too. Until then, let’s all come together to commiserate.

You will be on an emotional roller coaster

One moment your baby cousin will be endearing and precious; the next, he’ll be screaming about a toy Santa didn't bring.

Similarly, in your unhealthy relationship, one day you love your significant other to no end while the next day you wonder if you could ever hate anyone more than him or her.

Don't worry, your baby cousin will eventually smile again and you'll eventually be in love again; this is how an emotional roller coaster works.

People will care more about the perks than about you

Why do so many people stay in bad relationships with people they don’t really love?

Well, there are perks: You have someone to hold onto at night (even if you spent the whole day bickering with each other); you have someone to drag to that One Direction concert with (even if he makes fun of you the whole time), and yeah, there’s the sex thing that’s pretty sweet.

Well, Christmas has perks, too, like good food and presents. So, if we have to put up with the cousin we hate just to get a great present, we will.

Emotional eating is a thing

When you start to get comfortable in your relationship, you care less about eating healthy and keeping off the weight.

After all, if your significant other didn’t break up with you after you hurled your hair straightener (still hot) across the room, he certainly isn’t going to mind a few extra pounds.

Suddenly, pizza is a beautiful thing. At Christmas, if you overindulge to deal with the stress of spending 10 hours shopping and maxing out your credit cards, it’s not a big deal. Isn’t that why everyone’s New Year’s resolution is to get back in shape?

It always appears to be better than it actually is

You and your boy can take a really good selfie. I mean, seriously, you look damn happy on Instagram. Never mind that after you took that perfect picture, you both got drunk and started hauling insults at each other. No big deal.

New Year’s Eve is kind of like that deceitful selfie. It looks a lot better than it actually is. Seeing the ball drop live in Times Square looks fantastic and will surely make your friends envious, until you tell them you froze your ass off, got in a fight with the drunk girl next to you and had to pee in a cup.


You want to be happy, but you just aren't

You want those special hallmark moments like you hear about in the Christmas songs: chestnuts roasting, building Frosty with your friends and sleigh bells jinglin' in the background.

You want to be happy with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but, well, you just never seem to get there. Is it because in order to get those "priceless" moments at Christmas you need to rack up your Mastercard?

Are you not happy in your relationship because the hard times outweigh the good? Well, if so, grab a glass of Eggnog and go get drunk with Uncle Joe in the kitchen. January is lacking a holiday, so you'll have time to tackle your debt and ponder your failing relationship.

They always come back around

You and your significant other break up and get back together so often that you just don’t update your Facebook status anymore. It’s too embarrassing.

As much as you want to get out of that relationship, when you do, you just miss him or her so badly. Once you get back together and the firework stage wears down, you hate each other again.

Christmas is like that on-again off-again relationship. When December comes every year, it's excitement and anticipation, until finally, when December 26 comes, you declare that you’ll be happy if you never see a Christmas tree again.

However, come January, you’ll be looking at the holidays through rose-colored glasses, wondering why you ever wished it would go away.

Hang in there, friends. Remember, like Eggnog, all unhealthy relationships eventually expire.