Cady Heron from "Mean Girls" said it best:
Halloween is the one day a year when a girl can dress up like a total slut and no other girls can say anything else about it.
This is true, until you're invited to an office costume party and spend an embarrassing amount of time digging up a costume from college that actually covers your ass.
Needless to say, Halloween as a post-grad is a whole new ball game.
Although alcohol will still be consumed and fun will still be had, it's just not the same as it was in college.
Here are ways they differ:
1. Your Sensitivity To Temperature
In college, you didn't care the temperature was dropping to 30 degrees that night.
In the real world, you don't care if your puffy coat is completely concealing your lame attempt to dress up.
Throughout our four years of excessive partying, our mentality became, "I'll rely on an alcohol blanket."
We couldn't risk hiding our hot, new little black dress, after all.
Plus, having to deal with carrying a jacket in a hot fraternity basement? Um, we're trying to twerk here.
As we grow older, we're a little more sober and a lot more freezing.
Also, when another rando gets in your face and asks, "What are you? I can't tell," and then proceeds to spill his drink on you, you begin to wish you were cuddled up in bed with Netflix.
2. Your Reaction To Blackouts
In college, you blacked out on Halloween and laughed about it with your roommates.
In the real world, you blacked out and wondered if you needed to go to AA.
I remember the anticipation of Halloween as a college student like it was yesterday.
One year, my friends and I actually threw parties at our house every single day that week.
(I look back at that now with slight concern.)
With all of the excitement, we inevitably ended up going a little overboard.
As a result, we woke up with parts of our costumes mysteriously missing, our perfectly applied makeup smeared all over our faces and an insurmountable amount of regret.
After college, you get just as excited, but that's because you don't party as much as you used to in the glory days.
Rather than drinking because it's a Tuesday, we actually look forward to specific events.
Halloween is the perfect opportunity to drink, and you're ecstatic.
However, the next morning, not remembering how you got home isn't comical anymore.
Instead, you question whether you have a drinking problem and feel the immediate need to go do something adultish (grocery shop?) to cancel out the fact you apparently face-planted on the dance floor.
Plus, after the recklessness of the weekend, you're likely still suffering from a 48-hour hangover at work on Monday morning.
3. Your Opinion On Slutty Costumes
In college, you had your go-to costumes (nurse, cop, teacher) for when you ended up extending the weekend one more night.
After college, these costumes seem a little odd to wear because some of your best friends actually have these careers.
As I reflect back on my cop outfit in college (which lead to certain drunk guys asking if I could handcuff them), I realize how many occupations I've mocked throughout the years.
Of course, it's all in good fun, but this year I've decided to go the celebrity route.
As Ariana Grande, I'll switch from degrading women to rocking a high ponytail and a doughnut necklace, reminding America of the time she had the brilliant idea to start licking one in public.
Halloween will always be making fun of something.
Let's start by making fun of the fact none of us can party like we're in college anymore.
It was good while it lasted.