Surprisingly, Fear Is The Best Way To Get Over Heartbreak

by Ryann Graham

There you are, sitting alone; waiting like a little kid whose parent forgot to pick him or her up from soccer practice.

You are sitting there, waiting and thinking, "Maybe he’ll text me that 'final goodbye' text"; "Maybe she still cares about me"; "Maybe this just isn’t our season"; "Maybe it’ll come back to me."

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news... but, no. He isn’t texting you back. She doesn’t still care about you.

The seasons have changed and come back around, and this person is not coming back to you. While you are waiting for “closure,” he or she has packed bags, moved out and gone on vacation with someone new.

The crazy thing about closure, which I had to learn the hard way, is it doesn’t come from the other person at all. No matter how much you screwed up, no matter how much you were hurt, ultimately, you have to be ready to take the next step, pack your own bags and move on.

The only thing holding you back is fear. It's fear you didn’t try hard enough and fear of not knowing what will come next.

It's fear that maybe the end of the relationship was entirely your fault. Fear is keeping you on the curb, like a 6-year-old waiting to be picked up and carried to the next destination.

The only way to get off the curb is to face your fear for what it is: F.E.A.R. -- forgive everything and restart.

Facing your fear is the only way to get rid of your baggage and move on with the rest of life. Once you learn to face the fear of the relationship, the possibilities are endless.

In all honesty, moving on from something you cared about won't be easy. So, you might as well try to tackle the most difficult part of moving on first: forgiveness. Take a look at the situation and actively decide to no longer have negative feelings toward it.

Avoiding the feelings is like sticking a Band-Aid on a broken bone. Face the pain, take the hurt and tell yourself it doesn’t own you.

The anger and hurt you feel don't define who you are. Take a good look at the relationship; take a deep breath and release the anxiety it holds over you. Forgive the other person and wish him or her nothing but the best. Start small and just hope he or she is doing well.

Eventually, you’ll work your way up to being able to honestly want this person to have everything in the world.

Forgiveness also means forgiving yourself! So what if you went 50 shades of cray on your ex from time to time? So what if you drunk-texted or called twice a week? So what if you got caught up in the heat of the moment and became some monster?

I realized any person in my life who leads me to act differently than how I feel, how I can and how I should doesn't belong in my life at all. Learn to forgive yourself and the person who hurt you for everything.

Imagine your life is a movie. Sometimes, people you assumed were main characters were just cameos.

Once you forgive others and begin to drop off your baggage, it is time to restart. This is the fun part because restarting can mean a number of things, not all of which mean jumping into another relationship. Often, another relationship is the last thing you need.

Instead of focusing all of your energy into another person, spend some time developing the main character in your life -- you! Get to the gym, learn the surf and take a road trip alone. Do anything in your power to help you learn to love being alone.

Restarting gives you a chance to be whomever you want to be, so why waste the opportunity?

Fear is the only way to finally drop your baggage and get on with your life! So, start embracing the fear. Get scared as hell — you never know where it will lead you.