Every Post-Grad's Timeline Of Daydrinking On The Weekends
As the beautiful weather quickly approaches, there is only one thing on everyone's minds: day drinking. In college, you typically started day drinking at 8:30 am in preparation for either a football game or a day party, but it's a pretty different scene once you enter the real world.
What is day drinking you may ask? Well, thanks to Urban Dictionary, we have some very accurate definitions for you:
While day drinking is not limited to a patio of some sorts, it is one of the more preferable ways to get drunk as you won't have a ridiculously expensive bar tab.
You and your friends start by heading to the liquor store where you will undoubtedly stock up on Fireball to get the day going.
This is perhaps a more general definition, as day drinking basically qualifies as consuming alcohol around 11:30 am and lasting through the entire day/night with the assistance of food, naps, showers and drugs.
But let's break it down in a timeline as we all know that's the best way to put things into perspective.
10:30 am: You wake up, grab your phone and start frantically texting all of your friends while simultaneously Snapchatting how hungover you are, but how you still want to drink. You know exactly who will be down to drink and you start from there because once they're on board so is everyone else.
11:00 am: You get ready while listening to some 90s throwback jams to get you in the mood while waking your roommates up in the process. Why? Because now they are awake and have to drink with you, #peerpressure.
11:30 am: You take a couple of shots with your roomies to get you started despite the fact you will be spending 10+ hours drinking anyway.
Yeah, so much for pacing yourself... Your breakfast consists of the pretzels you're chasing your warm shots with because you have absolutely no time to stop at the nearest bagel shop -- I mean, you have daydrinking to get to!
12:15 pm: You and your friends gather at whatever bar you agreed on to begin your daydrinking journey. You order way too many drinks to begin because you are so excited that the sun is out.
1:30 pm: You are at the peak of your day-drunk, having the time of your life while you lose count of how many shots, mixed drinks and beers you've ingested. But you don't care, you're out with your friends who are all basically on the exact same level.
3:15 pm: The time the group divides and conquers. You have certain people who want to go home and sleep, the group who wants to eat, the people who want to go and get a midday romp on and the alcoholics of the group who want to keep on drinking.
4:30-5:00 pm: Everyone who is left starts crashing and feeling the full effects of the day. You all decide to go back to someone's apartment but there is always that one girl who's the drunkest and needs to be put to bed since you know she isn't making it out.
The survivors band together, get high and stuff their faces with whatever food they can get their hands on.
6:00-9:00 pm: This is crucial nap time if you plan on going out for the rest of the night. Remember to turn your alarm on so you don't wake up at 11:30 pm, dazed and confused.
Take a shower to wake yourself up and to forget what you did earlier that day to salvage whatever dignity you have left.
10:00 pm: You've showered and got your sh*t back together so that you can start pregaming for the night. You give it your all not to projectile vomit when taking more shots. It's a battle between you being hungover and your desire to be a champ.
11:30 pm: You fail to realize the alcohol from earlier in the day is still in your system so you get drunk at rapid speeds -- this is also known as the snowball effect.
12:45 am: You are obliterated to the point of no return. You immediately regret even attempting to make it out. You gather up all the strength and dignity you have left, hit up Seamless and head the F home to pass out.
Will you learn better the next time around? I certainly hope not.
Photo credit: Kirill Was Here