Don't Lose Yourself In Love: 6 Reasons You Should Always Remain Your Own Top Priority
Love: It's the epic world wonder for which we're all out searching. It's what takes your breath away and simultaneously makes you feel more alive.
It's what moves the mountains you call your inhibitions and releases your dreams from the sky with falling stars. It's indescribable, despite how much we try to define it. However, when you're in the blissful abyss, you just know.
Sometimes, you can love so fiercely that you lose yourself. Sometimes, you can try so hard to please someone that you don't realize you're no longer happy with yourself. Sometimes, when you lose someone, you realize you forgot who you were in your own right.
Being in love isn't about trying your hardest. It isn't about catering to one person's needs and it isn't about following someone else’s path.
True love is about looking forward, together, in the same direction. It’s about putting someone before yourself, only because the other person is doing the same. It’s about doing what is best for both of you, because ultimately, you are one.
Do you ever worry you’re not doing enough?
Chances are, you’re doing more than enough. Are you constantly looking for ways to help your other half? Has your other half offered the same courtesy by doing things for you?
Has he or she surprised you with something sweet, not as a thank you, but just because? Has he or she noticed and acknowledged your efforts?
I’m here to tell you that you are doing enough. You should be enough for your other half without the fancy baked tilapia and without the dry cleaning. It’s one thing to make someone else’s life easier; it’s another to make your life harder in the process.
Do you say no to your friends more than you say yes?
Do you deny plans because you’re waiting on your significant other? Do you keep your weekends open because you’d rather spend all of your time with your significant other and want to make sure whatever he or she suggests will work with your schedule?
Is there a chance he or she would pick doing something with friends over something with you? Consider how many times your significant other chose to incorporate you without being nudged in that direction.
Be careful here. If anything happens to your relationship, the people who ask you to happy hour may not be around after a handful of declined invitations.
You have to find a balance between your love life and your friendships. Don’t just become a part of your significant other’s world; incorporate your worlds together. Always make time to hang out with your friends separately. The dynamic is refreshing and the space is healthy.
Do you go over-the-top while he or she barely tries?
Have you ever spent a lot of time planning something for your significant other, like a Valentine’s Day present, a birthday adventure or an end-of-the-week surprise without reciprocation?
Have you ever worked so hard on crafting something while he or she just picked something up at CVS? Have you packaged your gift with care while he or she just handed you a shopping bag? Have you ever put effort into something about which your partner just forgot?
You have a good heart and you want to make your significant other happy. But wouldn’t it be nice if your significant other wanted to make you just as happy? Wouldn’t it be nice to be on the other end of your selfless energy? Don’t feel the need to go over-the-top if your partner is simply standing at the edge.
Do you look for constant affirmations?
Do you wake up with an invisible worry every morning? Do you have to tell yourself “this is getting better”? Or even worse, do you ask your partner, “We’re good, right?”
Constantly worrying about how the relationship is going requires all the energy you dedicate to reflecting on what is best for you. True love doesn’t afford you with doubts; it provides you with security.
A good relationship shouldn’t make you wonder; it should make you confident enough that you never need to confirm whether the other person feels the same way.
Have you given up your dreams for his or hers?
Sometimes this can be okay, so long as there is a give and take. There are times when once-in-a-lifetime opportunities arise for your partner, so you sacrifice to ensure the greater future for your mutual lives.
However, you must know that your partner would one day do the same for you. You should not give up your dreams to be able to remain together. Your dreams should simultaneously work together to create the best future for both of you.
The person with whom you are meant to be wants success for you as much as he or she wants personal success. The right person won’t hold you back and will sacrifice for you when a solid opportunity comes your way.
Have you stopped doing the things you love?
Are you making sure that you have time for yourself, or do you only focus on making your significant other happy? When was the last time you had a spa day, just for kicks? Do you still regularly go to the gym or to your weekly yoga class?
Don’t give up on the things that make you who you are for the benefit of someone else. You used to write? Write. You used to bike? Bike. You used to volunteer? Volunteer. Don’t stop being you, and if you’re one of the lucky ones, your partner will support you in every way.
Do yourself a favor: Wake up, look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are happy. Ask yourself what you want accomplish and then go do it. Go make yourself happy. Do it without depending on anyone else.
The right partner will fill you with joy and complete the open space in your heart, but only once you’ve successfully found yourself. No one can truly love you until you love yourself. Find your own success and your own happiness.
The right person will never make you feel small or not good enough. The right person will make you feel appreciated and so loved that you cannot contain your smiles. The right person would have made you stop reading this article paragraphs ago.
So, go find yourself. You won’t find yourself in someone else. There is someone out there who will fiercely love what you find and love you until the end of your days without ever making you change.
Photo Courtesy: We Heart It