You’re not an old soul.
Sure, you might like older things, but you’d hardly consider that as any reflection of your soul, per se -- you just think life was a lot doper in decades prior.
So, while you may not be an old soul, you certainly have a taste for old things, and you’re proud of it.
You prefer listening to music from the 70s -- ideally some Grateful Dead.
You dress like you grew up in the 80s, full of neon colors and acid-washed denim. And you prefer to watch movies that were shot in the 90s, or, as you like to call it, Scorsese’s Golden Age.
And while your friends might not understand you or the majority of the things you’re passionate about, you don’t really care.
Although, you will admit, it does sometimes make you wonder why there’s such a disparity between your interests and the current state of pop culture.
Frankly, you’ve pretty much narrowed it down to one possibility: You were born in the wrong decade.
You’re not exactly sure how this happened, but you know you feel like a reverse Marty McFly throughout your day-to-day life -- stuck in some futuristic realm of smartphones and super foods.
Here are eight ways you know for certain.
1. You prefer 90s HBO to anything on TV now.
You don’t watch “Game of Thrones.” Why watch any of the new sh*t that’s on HBO when the shows they ran in the 90s were infinitely better?
You’re a true TV-head, and you understand television’s golden age revolves around the Soprano family and the Barksdale crew.
In your mind, “Dexter" was only Michael C. Hall’s second-best television role (next to David in “Six Feet Under”) and “OITNB” is the second-best jail-set series (next to "Oz").
Aside from that, your life pretty much consists of plots that resemble “Seinfeld” reruns.
2. You don’t shower often.
People who don’t like to shower (at least not with much regularity) get a bad rap in 2015.
That said, if you don’t particularly like to shower -- it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a dirty person -- you might just be a transplanted member of the 1970s.
See, the hippies didn’t shower all that frequently, and that’s because they were too busy spreading love and positivity.
You know this, and you also know people are only spreading super-negative vibes, maaaan, every time they make a comment about your personal upkeep.
3. Your favorite bands are from before you were born.
You’re into Floyd, Bruuuuuce, The Who, you know, pretty much any type of classic rock besides the f*ckin’ Eagles, man!
Rap music is cool, you guess, but there’s no message to rap music. You’re more into songwriting that stresses positivity, not the ego.
You’re a wild heart -- a free spirit -- the type Lou Reed, Bowie and Mick Jagger were.
And while all of your friends are fist pumping at some house festival, you’re probably somewhere dressed like Tom Cruise in “Risky Business,” doing the Pete Townshend windmill on your air guitar.
4. You’re a sh*tty texter.
You never really came around on the whole texting thing. You never fully understood it.
In your mind, why spend the time typing a message on a small virtual keyboard when you could just call the person and tell him or her yourself?
And for that reason, you don’t usually respond in a timely manner. Your conversations are usually brief, and -- let’s be real here -- your emoji usage could be described as mediocre, at best.
You don’t understand emoji at all, really.
5. You spend the majority of your time in thrift stores.
You can walk into just about any thrift shop in America -- with $20 to your name -- and saunter out with an entire new wardrobe. Style, baby, style -- and you got it, although, it’s usually borrowed (literally) from some other decade.
You rock the Joplin-styled circle frames. Your wardrobe is chock-full of vintage concert tees; you even have one from Madonna’s 1987 Who’s That Girl World Tour.
You could pretty much rock a different retro Champion NBA jersey for each day on the calendar.
And you acquired all of this dope sh*t for like $3 a pop, thanks to ignorant pawnshop owners *throws two thumbs up*.
6. You listen to the radio
Not even Apple radio. Nah, you’re into the real deal, baby -- hell, you even got the FM tuner app on your iPhone.
You love the spontaneity of radio; the aux cord is too much pressure for you.
Not to mention, you doubt the rest of the car would enjoy your throwing on some In Utero -- in the Uber -- on the way to your pregame.
Thus, you prefer to defer the privilege of music selection to a professional: a real disk jockey (not the type that clicks on a playlist containing a few different tropical house songs).
You’re also a huge fan of the variety that radio provides.
7. You’re not on Instagram.
Similar to texting, you don’t really get Instagram.
Granted, you’re a huge fan of photography, however, when you see things like “vintage filters,” you can’t help but feel like a bit of authenticity has been stripped from the whole process.
And even if you moved past the whole filter thing, you’re then left at your next conundrum -- the salad thing.
You’re a fan of Dash f*cking Snow and Bruce Weber -- real photographers -- as you scroll through Instagram and see salad after salad, you suddenly lose your appetite for all other forms of human life.
8. You still read books/the newspaper
You read, often. Which, in your eyes, is as much of a burden -- in 2015 -- as it is a blessing.
Why? Because none of your friends understand you.
You read the newspaper for your news; your friends check Twitter.
You read the novel; they watch the movie. You’re just on different pages -- pun intended.
And let’s not bring up the last time your friends invited you out to happy hour, and you told them you were going to pass to “finish your book.”
Yeah, you haven’t gotten hit up for another happy hour since... which you’re fairly fine about.