42 Thoughts That Go Through Your Head While Waiting In Line At Chipotle

by Dan Scotti

Going to Chipotle typically leaves customers with a rush of different feelings, a roller coaster of emotions – if you will.

Especially when you go during “rush hour,” which alludes to the windows of operation during lunchtime and dinnertime when it’s, more or less, f*cking mayhem.

Chances are, if you step into Chipotle sometime around noon, on a weekday, you’ll probably end up regretting that decision five to 10 times before you actually get to order... which might be over the course of an hour or more. Ugh.

[Sigh] The things we do for burritos/burrito bowls.

Anyway, if you’ve been brave enough to test your own limits at Chipotle during rush hour, I’m sure your thought process mirrored something along the lines of this:

42. Man, I love Chipotle.

41. I hope the line isn’t too long, though.

40. How is it possible that this many people in suits are getting burritos for lunch?

39. Jesus Christ, there are even more girls wearing yoga pants.

38. I should’ve, realistically, come here before 12 pm on the dot.

37. But, then again, who the f*ck goes to Chipotle before noon?

36. All food before noon is breakfast. That’s fact.

35. Let me just scan the premises one time and see if there's someone I know so I can chat and cut.

34. I can’t tell if it’s hotter in front of the counter, or behind.

33. Like, behind the counter, there’s a large, scalding, open-faced grill.

32. But, in front of the counter, there are like 300 sweating New Yorkers, so I’m not really sure.

31. Either way, it’s about 500 degrees in this place.

30. I’d low-key order a burrito right now, I’d do it. I swear.

29. It’s definitely ratchet for the middle of the workday, but, like, we’re at Chipotle.

28. I don’t think anyone really comes here expecting otherwise.

27. I mean, can you smell it in here?

26. It’s like a combination of fajita vegetables and the middle school locker room, mixed with guacamole.

25. All right I’m only eight customers away now.

24. That’s not even that bad.

23. I better start getting my order ready, I don’t want to freeze up when it’s my turn.

22. I hope these people don’t skimp today.

21. Then again, the sky is blue, so I’m not going to hold my breath.

20. The dude in front of me deadass just ordered a burrito with cheese, sour cream and avocado.

19. Hang on, I think I’m going to throw up.

18. On second thought, it sort of sounds... AMAZING.

17. It’s like a grilled cheese on GH.

16. Eh, f*ck that. I need some protein, I’m a grown ass man.

15. Hmmmm, chicken or steak.

14. Or chicken and steak, split, word on road is they give more that way…

13. But wait, hold the phones – when did they add barbecue chicken?

12. Oh, never mind, that’s barbacoa.

11. Barbacoa?


9. All right, I’m finally up.

8. The only two times I’m actually fake are when I’m telling my ex I’m happy for her, and when I passively compliment the dude behind the counter in an attempt to induce him to hook me up with some extra chicken.

7. It always feels like every person in front of me gets a double order of sh*t – and when it’s my turn – they act coy about the amount of shredded cheese they put in each burrito bowl.


5. To be honest, this is f*cking bull.

4. I feel like leaving without paying.

3. I wouldn’t even feel guilty at this point, they’re robbing me.

2. I dare this dude to ask me if I know guacamole is an extra $2.

1. I loathe Chipotle.

Photo Courtesy: We Heart It