It's about that time again when flower companies are getting more delivery requests than usual. Phone calls and text messages will be sent through multiple 4G networks, and social medial posts will be created honoring the woman who brought the individuals into the world.
I'm guilty of the social media posts, but I will not be part of the population that gets the privilege of calling my mom on Mother's Day. It's been almost four years since my mom lost her battle with cancer, and now it's the fourth Mother's Day that could bring me to tears the moment I wake up.
But, after I dry my tears, I get to brag about my mom who was worth celebrating and remember her through various ways.
Look at photos
Pictures used to be viewed as a way to capture a moment in time to relive that moment as a memory, not just a way to humble brag or make one's life seem way cooler than it really may be.
Looking at pictures is the only way I can see my mom. I'll look at pictures from her rebellious youth, when she held me in her arms as a child (and a young adult) and even images of her in the deepest trenches during her battle. Pictures help me relive her happiness, her love, pain and her spirit, even if they bring me tears at times.
Celebrate my sister who is a mom
Sometimes it's crazy for me to believe that my sister is now a mom. Not only has she been a mom, but she's been a damn great mom. She learned what to do and sometimes what not to do from our mom, and now my sister is able to carry on the legacy. While we use this day to remember the woman who ultimately introduced us to the world and brought us together, it is now a day to celebrate my sister as a mother.
Thank my dad
He's playing both roles: dad and mom. Being one parent to me deserves a prize of its own, but should allow for a special place in heaven. Being a dad came so naturally to him, but being Mr. Mom is a very close second.
Remember the funny stories
The phrase, "remember when Mom..." is frequently utilized, but even more so during this time of year. Laughter or tears are usually followed, but the emotions make me feel her and embrace her spirit. The memories are what I am thankful for, especially since there are moments I will never get to experience with her.
My mom was a tough broad, and her parenting skills reflected that attitude. We argued, we disagreed, we didn't speak at times; we did everything that mothers and daughters do. But I forgive her for everything that caused me pain in the past. Even the anger I held from her passing.
I don't mean the pretty, one teardrop falls from my brown eyes, I mean that ugly, barely breathing cry. The tears that never stop. The ones that can only be washed away in the shower. Yeah, that type of cry because no one but my mom can make me stop. After catching my breath, my tears become slightly less noticeable. I feel a release in my soul, one that can only come from me feeling everything that could ever be felt. My cry fest was me realizing I still need my mom for so much in life, but she was brave enough to prepare me for the days for which should not be there.
I'm not over it. I'm not over not being able to call her to tell her about the horrible traffic I hit during my commute, or the cute guy I kept seeing on the train. I'm not over my hatred for cancer and what it did to my mom. Quite frankly, I'm just not over her.
I don't know when I'll be completely over it, but I can truthfully say I am ready to celebrate her on the day that is meant just for moms.