What It's Like To Break Up With One Friend When You're In A Trio Of Besties
There is a reason the majority of all parents are usually done with having kids after the second child. We've all heard people say, “Don't do it; three is a crowd. It always causes problems.” I never really knew what they meant by that. Don't they say "the more the merrier" are words to live by?
But, I am currently finding out the hard way what those damn wise people meant by that. Unfortunately, I am not talking sexy time threesome; I am talking the BFF kind of situation. There is no feeling like having your own little wolf pack of friends. There's you and your two besties, and together, you can take on anything that comes your way. As we all know, trouble shared is a trouble halved. Who doesn't want their troubles to be halved?
When I was 16, I found myself in a best friends threesome situation. It was amazing. We went on trips together to places such as Germany and Spain. It was all perfect. We were unstoppable, and we had the time of our lives together.
Think about it: When you need advice, you get two viewpoints for the price of one conversation. When guys are mean, they'll man hate with you until you feel better. When you feel a little lonely, who do you call? Yup, it's your wolf pack.
But here's the thing: I was young and changed my mind, life goals and values every damn day. I knew I was outgrowing my clothes, a lot of guys and my previously beloved soccer team. But, I never expected to outgrow my best friend.
That's right: best friend, as in singular. The three of us graduated from high school and all moved on to college to build up descent resumes. Our escapes from our studies consisted of city trips, coffee and wine catch-ups and dancing our butts off. The three of us were growing individually, yet together. We all had boyfriends, devastating breakups, sibling troubles, sex talks, pregnancy scares and other standard teenager stuff.
But after almost eight years, one of my friends stopped moving forward. She literally stopped. She decided she didn't want to be a grownup, and she believed she didn't need to progress any further. Even though I fully understand not wanting to be a grownup (we all know it's a trap), my former best friend being stuck in one place made our relationship stagnant.
Now, she does the same thing every day. When I ask, “How are you?” I always get the “Same old, same old” reply. She doesn't meet anyone new. She doesn't read the newspaper, she doesn't watch the news, she hates reading books and she only watches "Two And A Half Men" and MTV's "Lip Sync Battle." Her response to everything has become, "Oh well, let's just get drunk." When I ask her what her ambitions are, she says she has no idea.
So, what do you do when you outgrow your friend? What do you do when you find yourself avoiding drinks because you know you have nothing to discuss? What do you do when you notice the comfortable silence has turned into an awkward one?
Luckily for me, the other third of the wolf pack has shyly expressed her concerns to me. We found out we share the same frustration and weird sense of sadness. But, we find ourselves in a tricky situation now. The two of us still want to hang out together and make all those life-changing trips. We have late-night talks about what we do and don't want in life. We talk about what we find important, what scares us and what we think of when we lie in bed at night. We share wine, sex stories and cigarettes, and we laugh about each other's most embarrassing moments.
Now, I strongly believe that if anyone ever finds out how to break up with a best friend without crushing his or her soul, that person should write a book about it and hand it out to every wolf pack. Because right now, all I can come up with is a "Friends" scenario where Monica and Phoebe try to cut someone out by just avoiding her completely until she gets the hint. That just seems cruel.
I've always been a softy. I was often afraid I was going to have to marry my boyfriend of the time simply because I could not imagine breaking his heart. I always waited it out until someone broke up with me. (Coward much? Yes, I know.)
So, I guess all I can do is wait it out again. Maybe she'll wake up one day and realize we've grown apart. Or maybe, this is just how life goes. Maybe I am the one who needs to wake up.