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9 Things To Do On Your Birthday Instead Of Getting Wasted

Why is it that celebrating a birthday, a promotion or anything you’re proud of means going to the bars and getting f*cked up?

In all honesty, this is the precise reason why I hate my birthday.

Every year, I get nauseous even thinking about celebrating my birthday because it means I’m going to have to go out with an unusually large group of my friends (some of whom I haven’t even seen since last year’s debauchery on my day of birth), and drink an obscene amount of alcohol.

Why do we do this on our birthdays? If you ask me, I’d much rather take a fun vacation somewhere tropical, lie on a beach and try to achieve an optimal sun tan.

So, this year, I am going on a vacation to Cancun with my entire extended family.

We have a few big deals this year: My dad is turning 60, my uncle 50, my brother 30 and I'm turning the absolutely terrifying age of 25.

Needless to say, I’m beyond excited to spend my birthday the way I have always wanted to with the people I love most.

I’m going to be zip-lining through forests, parasailing above an ocean, snorkeling with turtles, swimming with dolphins and exploring the pyramids with my sister.

It can’t get much better than that, right? Wrong!

I fly home on the day of my birthday, which means, according to my friends, I have plenty of time to rest up on the plane and make it out downtown to celebrate this fantastic day the second I touch down in San Jose.

But why? I mean, I’m all for drinking, going out and having a good time, but not when it’s for my birthday.

I’ve never liked the idea of everyone catering to me all night. And the worst part is, people make it their life goal to make sure you are completely annihilated. (God forbid you turn down a shot!)

Why do birthday shots even exist? It’s like some man thought, "How can I completely embarrass every woman on her birthday?

Oh, I’ve got it! Create a shot that makes you look like your deep throating a glass to turn on every man with a sex drive in the bar."

Solid idea.

If you’re like me and you want this era of spending the day after your birthday contemplating whether you will ever drink alcohol again to end, then here are a few tips:

1. Fly Somewhere Far Far Away

There is no better time than your birthday to do some traveling. Plan a vacation with your family or a group of your best friends, and go have an adventure instead of killing your liver for one night.

Odds are you will still be wasted the night of your birthday, but at least you’ll be surrounded by strange and exotic looking people.

So, go check out a city, country or a state you’ve always wanted to explore. There’s no better time than the present to start crossing things off your bucket list.

2. Plan a Day Party in a Park

To all you San Francisco natives, Dolores Park is in your backyard, and it is notorious for having the best day parties.

I recently experienced some serious FOMO when I saw posts from the grand reopening of this historic park where a silent disco was held.

I want to be all up in that! For those of you who haven’t heard of this new craze, a silent disco is probably one of the coolest activities I’ve ever seen.

I still have yet to participate in one, and I’m really disappointed I was too drunk to stumble over to the one at The Bottle Rock Napa Valley Music Festival this past year.

3. Go to the Beach

This one’s a no-brainer. Everyone knows how to grab a bag of beach things and drive to the nearest ocean front location to where you live.

For me, it would be beautiful Santa Cruz, CA. For all you Bay Area babies, my personal favorite is Seabright Beach.

I like to park up in the residential area right in front of the beach entrance, tan and splash around in the ocean during the day.

And then when I’ve had enough of the sun, I walk across the train tracks bridge to the Boardwalk and ride a few rides, maybe indulge in a deep fried Twinkie and then make my way to the pier, where you can get some clam chowder, silver rings, salt water taffy and check out the sea lions sun bathing on the rocks.

4. Have a Bonfire

See: Go to the beach. Do all that, then double back once the sun starts going down and start a campfire.

Bring some stuff to make s'mores, a stereo system for some good tunes and maybe some alcohol to make some adult beverages and dance around the fire with your friends and family.

5. Go on a Camping Trip

Pick a destination near by or far away, depending on how long of a trip you're planning.

I’ve always dreamed of taking a hiking trip to Yosemite and camping out there, drinking and eating around a warm and toasty fire at night under the twinkling stars.

The only requirement I ask of when I go camping is a shower where you pay with quarters. I’m all for roughing it, but I need to be able to shower and brush my teeth in a bathroom, not under a hose.

6. Visit Family Who Live In A Different State

This kind of goes hand in hand with "travel somewhere far away and take a vacation."

For me, I have family in Oregon, Texas, Florida and other various states and cities that range anywhere from three to 12 hours away.

Pick someone you miss or someone you haven’t seen in a while, and go make his or her day.

7. Plan a Day Adventure To Explore a Nearby City With Your Best Friends

Go on an adventure in a nearby city. As I previously mentioned, I am from San Jose. For me and my friends, it's always San Fransisco.

I like to pick places and things I’ve never done before, and I just jump on the train or Bart to go check them out.

There’s nothing like a good old spontaneous trip doing new and exciting activities to get you pumped about getting another year older.

8. Go to a Music Festival

This is my personal favorite option. I am a music festival junkie. I've been to Coachella, Lollapalooza, EDC, BFD, Love Fest, Pride, Bay to Breakers, San Jose Hot Summer Nights, etc.

It doesn’t necessarily have to be a music festival; it could be any festival or event that’s outdoors and fun!

Just pick something that sounds interesting to you, find a killer hipster outfit, lace on your combat boots, slap on a flower head band and Ray Bans, and you are good to go!

9. Go to a Museum/Aquarium/Zoo/Theme Park/Sporting Event

You can always use your birthday as an excuse to visit that science museum or theme park you’ve always wanted to check out.

Sporting events are always a super fun way to spend a birthday, too. The zoo or an aquarium can always be a fun place, especially if you plan on bringing your kids.

If none of these ideas seem appealing to you, you're sh*t out of luck, my friend!

I don’t know about you, but I’m kind of sick of waking up the day after my birthday wondering, "How did I get in my bed? Why does my throat hurt?"

Did I really throw up twice in the bushes outside my house? Did my best friend really get out and hose it down for me so I wouldn’t have to in the morning? Wait, why am I tagged in 157 pictures?

Oh Jesus Christ, this is not good. I’m on top of a bar? Oh f*ck, you can see up my dress!