Either I never got the memo, or I just never paid that much attention, but since when did Halloween costume manufacturers go rogue and start churning out those cute career uniforms with a "provocative" twist? Maybe it's just me, but “sexy” Halloween costumes are starting to get just a little out of hand. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for sex appeal if it's tasteful and makes sense, but has anyone ever actually seen a nurse's gown shorter than knee-length IRL? I mean, I haven't.
Personally, my Halloween costumes have always been either cutesy (think Dalmatian spots and baby pigtails) or creepy (i.e. Harley Quinn before Suicide Squad). Now, I'm not totally naïve; I'm well aware that “sexy” costumes have probably been a thing forever. Maybe it's just because, given my personality, I've never gravitated toward the Alice in Wonderland dress long enough to barely cover a woman's crotch, or anything else of the sort.
To me, there's sexy, and then there's not, and most of the Halloween getups marketed as provocative were never meant to be risqué in the real world. Check out these eight Halloween costumes that aimed for sexy, but completely missed the mark.
1. The Beast
Just in case you need a refresher, the film is titled Beauty and the Beast, not "Beauty And The Busty Woman With Big Hair."
At the very, very least, the fishnets have got to go.
2. Jon Snow
Let's just get one thing straight here. Game of Thrones heartthrob Jon Snow, played by real-life heartthrob Kit Harrington, doesn't need to be objectified to be sexy. The man is covered from head to toe more than half the time and still manages to make us all swoon regardless.
That being said, I'm pretty sure it's always winter in Winterfell, and the last thing this heir to the throne would be wearing is faux fur strung over a dominatrix body suit to keep cozy.
3. A Nun
Maybe it's because I'm Catholic, but just looking at this photo feels sinful.
I'm not saying nuns can't be sexy, but there's something so wrong (I might go as far to say disrespectful) about objectifying any religious symbol. Plus, traditional nun attire is a cool costume all its own because modern day nuns rarely, if ever, wear habits anymore.
4. The Cheshire Cat
As someone who has read Alice in Wonderland once or twice, and has struggled to make any sense of half the sentences Lewis Carroll strung together, I'm still fairly certain that nothing remotely provocative has ever slipped out of the Cheshire Cat's mouth.
This pink and purple feline's persona was always more smart-ass than sexy, and even though I'm kind of digging the bodysuit with a sewn-on tail, I can't get over the strategic placement of those beady, creepy eyes.
5. Freddy Kruger
Someone please explain to me what, exactly, is so sexy about a literal nightmare personified with veiny scars, busted teeth, and, oh yeah, knives for fingers. Who gets off to killing teenagers in their sleep?
Freddy Kruger wasn't meant to be raunchy; he was meant to be repulsive, and quite frankly, I like it better that way.
6. Little Bo Peep
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep -- and apparently some of her clothes, too.
If you thought objectifying nuns was bad, let's talk about children's nursery rhymes. I get that adults sometimes sneak a few sexual innuendos into bedtime stories for their own entertainment, but this costume just makes me feel kind of icky inside. Bo Peep is little for a reason, can we maybe just keep her that way?
7. Little Red Riding Hood
In case no one ever dove into the symbolism behind Little Red Riding Hood for you, let me break it down real quick.
There are actual literary analyses suggesting Little Red Riding Hood is a victim pursued by a sexual predator. So, by those standards alone, objectifying Charles Perrault's legendary character is pretty distasteful.
8. Police Officer
Again, not that a cop can't ever be sexy, but I'm pretty sure a woman in uniform fiddling with handcuffs is badass and cool enough, leather cutout bodysuits aside.
When you really think about it, Halloween costumes objectifying women in these types of respectable roles actually downplay the accomplishments women in these professions have made in real life. Maybe just keep that thought in the back of your mind this year as you go about choosing your own Halloween costume.