City living is fantastic, and living in the city of Philadelphia is even more fantastic.
We have food, sports, history and anything your heart desires, but we also have the components to drive a sane person to the edge of the Ben Franklin Bridge.
There are hardships and annoyances to living in any city, and Philadelphia is no different.
We seem to get a bad rap for being a bunch of loud-mouthed crazies, which we undoubtedly are, but we have some pretty legitimate reasons for it.
When we’re not cheering on our teams, lounging at the shore or using our famed art museum as exercise equipment, we’re going crazy over these five people, four places and three things:
1. The people who complain about traffic around the city
Why is this still a thing?! It sucked yesterday; it’ll suck tomorrow. “Traffic was horrible this morning” is literally Philadelphia’s version of, “So I hear it’s going to rain tomorrow.”
It's a filler in a conversation that is neither interesting nor informational.
2. The people who can’t order a cheesesteak correctly
We’re simple people in Philadelphia; we don’t make this complicated.
Three words is all it takes to order a cheesesteak; yet, people manage to screw it up, therefore holding up the line and prolonging the time it takes for me to come face-to-roll with that legendary, cheesy masterpiece.
Tell the cashier how many you want, what kind of cheese and if you want fried onions. “One, whiz, with.” Now, go practice, or don’t get in line.
3. The people who constantly say, “Philly sports fans are the worst”
We’re loud, I know. We’re obnoxious, I know. We threw snowballs at Santa Claus, not proud, but still, I know.
Philadelphia sports fans are certainly rough around the edges, but we’re passionate people who live and breathe for our sports teams.
Sorry for having so much pride in our city and our teams that we sometimes get aggressive with mythical fat guys.
That doesn’t make us “the worst,” and that doesn’t give you the right to tell us every chance you get.
4. The people who ask, “What’s the shore?”
If you want to live in Philly, you need to learn the ways of the people. Contrary to popular belief, we don’t just sit around all day eating cheesesteaks; we’re pretty active.
One of the activities we’re most known for is the great migration that occurs every summer of “going down the shore.”
We don’t care if you just moved here on Tuesday; you better familiarize yourself with the Jersey Shore, or prepare to get left behind when the flocks start moving.
5. The people who run during rush hour
As if the city streets aren’t crazy enough during rush hour, with Septa buses barreling down at high rates of speed, school kids standing around creating barricades and people rushing to catch trains, Philly has an overwhelming problem of runners who think Market Street is the perfect place to run at 5 pm.
We have enough to dodge on our way home. Spunky runners with limbs flailing in the wind shouldn’t be one of them.
1. Reading Terminal Market
The food in this melting pot of culinary delight is, by far, some of the best in the city, but the food doesn’t come without a price.
Expect to have a full-blown anxiety attack every time you go into this place.
There are people wall-to-wall, lines in every direction and ass-backward floor plans.
We’ll suffer through it for that grilled cheese you thought was only possible in heaven, but we won’t be happy about it.
Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Go. Oh, we’re really going! JUST KIDDING, STOP!
There's no rhyme or reason to the traffic patterns on this stretch of highway.
We know it’s coming every time, but it still drives us nuts.
3. AC expressway in the summer
The best way to explain the ride to the shore in the summer: Hurry up and wait!
Philadelphians count down every minute of the week for Friday to come so they can bolt over the bridge and head to the white sandy beaches (haha, joke) of the Jersey Shore.
However, the end of the workday doesn’t mean you’re smooth sailing. Welcome to sitting in shore traffic, which is another necessary evil that makes us all crazy.
Remember how I said Philly was full of passionate sports fans who live and breathe for our teams?
Yeah, well that definitely brings out the crazy, but the fun kind of crazy.
The sports stadiums in Philadelphia are all situated together at the Southern point of Broad Street.
Here, you’ll encounter four men sitting in a hot tub in a parking lot, shirtless men painted green on a 10-degree day and children who scream obscenities at visiting team's fans, only to get a pat on the back from a proud parent.
The amount of panhandling in the city of Philadelphia far surpasses that of any other city I’ve been to.
Friends who come to visit are not only shocked at the number of people on street corners begging for, “40 cents for the bus,” or “a dollar for a sandwich,” but they’re shocked at the average Philadelphian’s ability to completely ignore this.
Listen, I’m not a cold-hearted bitch, and I do sympathize with the hardships these people may have had to endure that led them to this point, but after three years of getting harassed by the same guy for that 40 cents (which is clearly not for the bus), I’ve had enough.
2. Philadelphia Parking Authority
I’m not sure what there are more of on Philadelphia streets: panhandlers or PPA officers scheming to ruin your life. There’s no way to beat the system.
You’ve obtained a law degree solely for the purpose of being able to interpret the ludicrous parameters of the street parking signs, and you think you’ve finally found a spot you’re allowed to park at this very moment (after 8 pm on a Tuesday with a full moon during a leap year), but you’re wrong.
It was only valid until 8:05 pm and a ticket is on your window within seconds.
3. Lack of late-night food
For a city that is well-known for a variety of trademark foods, when the bars close at 2 am (that’s a whole other issue), we’re left wondering why we can’t ACCESS any food.
Sure, there are a few late-night spots scattered around the city, but prepare to be greeted by mobs of people.
In general, it’s hard to get a hold of a good meal after you’ve worked up an appetite on the dance floor.
On your trek home from the bar, you’re guaranteed to witness people banging on the doors of local eateries, begging to be let in like zombies fighting for flesh.
Philadelphians get hungry after 2 am, yet no one seems to care.