Although people-pleasing has its advantages, it definitely has its cons. In any situation, one person always ends up losing out and that person is you.
Allow yourself to be happy and others will follow. When you have the happiness you want and put yourself first, you can spread that to others and make them happy, too.
Are you a people pleaser? Unsure? These 12 signs will help you find out for sure:
1. You often feel like a doormat
You are taken advantage of. People can do whatever they want to you because you won't do anything about it. They can hurt you, use you and you just let them.
2. You worry about hurting others' feelings
You watch everything you say because you want to make sure no one has their feelings hurt. You put people’s feelings ahead of your own.
3. You believe you are less than others
You tend to think everyone is better than you and that they have something over you.
4. You avoid giving yourself credit for anything
If you worked on a group project or got very little help from someone, you always make sure to not take the credit or all the credit. You feel as if that is wrong and that everyone else should have credit over you.
5. You easily attract people who need to be rescued or consoled
Friends and family come to you with their problems or to fix things for them because they know you will drop everything to listen or help them.
6. You have a fear of letting down others
You go above and beyond what's normal, lose sleep over things and do whatever you can to make sure you never let anyone down. You keep most plans and try to never let anyone be mad at you. You continue to do what everyone else would rather do because you do not want to let them down.
7. You're constantly apologizing
You apologize for everything, even when you didn't do anything wrong because you blame yourself for things, or others know you will take the blame for it.
8. You rarely ask for or accept help
You rarely ask for help because you don't want to be a pain to anyone. You want everyone to feel like you can do it yourself and that you don't need anyone.
9. You hate confrontation
If someone is mad at you for something or you have to face a hard decision, you try to stay away from confrontation at all times because you don't want to fight with anyone or argue.
10. You're nice and helpful to everyone you meet, including people you dislike
You try to make sure everyone feels good about themselves -- even people who have done you wrong more than once. You are kind to them because you feel like it's the right thing to do.
11. You can always be counted on for a favor
People can always count on you for favors because you will do anything for others to avoid letting them down. You go out of your way to help them, even if you don't have time.
12. Always get your work done, never miss deadlines and will pick up extra work because you don't know how to say you're busy
Again, you're always trying to please people by doing whatever is needed, even if you do not have time for it.
People pleasers always get their work done, help others with their work, make all the plans and are always there for family members and friends. Even though people pleasing may sound like it makes for a considerate individual, it does have its cons, including the following:
1. Neglecting yourself
Because you are always trying to please everyone else, you forget to take care of yourself. You emotionally and physically drain yourself and neglect your own needs.
You resent others for being able to say no and you resent the fact that people take advantage of the kind person you are just because they know you will do anything.
3. Reduced ability to enjoy other people and activities
You start to not enjoy activities because you were just doing them to make someone else happy in the first place. You start to not think highly of other people you hang out with because of this.
4. Stress and depression
Eventually you become stressed from all the commitments you made that you are unable to stick to or make time for. Sometimes there just aren't enough hours in the day for this. Depression starts to come in because you are doing whatever everyone else wants.
You can’t please everyone all the time, so stop trying. Allow yourself to have boundaries. Allow yourself time and space to make yourself happy, too.
Be you, be happy and allow that happiness to radiate to others. It's definitely a gift and curse to be a people pleaser.
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