Misery Loves Company: The Lies People Bringing You Down Tell You That You Should Never Believe

by Paul Hudson

People say the darndest things…most of them being complete bullsh*t. There are some lines that you will hear on several occasions throughout your life, almost always amounting to nothing more than intricately arranged lies.

There are just some things that you should never believe. There are some phrases that you will hear that should raise a red flag.

If you hear anyone tell you any of these 10 things, then you know that you aren’t getting the full story:

No, really. I am over my ex.

If this ever comes up, then there surely is a reason for it. But maybe you are just the jealous type… even then, if all they say is that they are over their ex in plain English without an extensive reason as to why they are over them, then they are most likely lying. If they are over their ex then they will have a very good reason for it. If all they can tell you is that they are over them without a clear reason behind it, then don’t believe them. If you don’t know why you’re over them then you probably aren’t over them.

That dress/outfit does not make you look fat.

If you’re asking if a dress make you look fat, then you must think that you’re fat. You’re not asking because you want to hear the truth but because you want an ego boost. If you are uncomfortable with your weight, then lose weight. A dress doesn’t make you look fat; you make you look fat. You’re basically asking the other person to lie to you.

I won’t tell my boyfriend/girlfriend. Your secret is safe with me.

If your friend is in love with their significant other, then your secret is not safe. Lovebirds have this nasty tendency of sharing everything and anything. Their reasoning is that you don’t actually care about their lover knowing — you just don’t want the whole world knowing. By trusting them to hold your secret, you are giving them the power to trust whomever they believe to be trustworthy with your secret. I’m not saying not to share with your best friend, but understand that by telling them, you are telling their lover as well.

Don’t worry, I’m good to drive.

Maybe they are. Maybe they aren’t. After a few drinks a person’s perception of what they can and can’t do becomes skewed. They may very well think that they can drive home, but although they may not think they are lying they may still never make it back. If you feel that your friend has had too much to drink then make sure they get home safe or risk hating yourself for the rest of your life.

This is the best price I can offer.

No one tells you the best price they can offer because they are assuming that you will bargain with them to begin with. Buying most things at tag price is usually money thrown away. Sometimes haggling isn’t worth the time spent, but if you are buying something with a large price tag then assume you can cut the price down by 20%. Offer them 60% of the asking price and negotiate form there.

I’ll never go out with you.

I’m not one to chase, but there are some people out there worth chasing. If they won’t go out with you, it’s likely that they just don’t know how awesome you really are. Being relentless can often get you what you want over time. Don’t be too pushy, but remind them from time to time that you’re still around if they ever want to get to know you better. The same things goes for B2B relations. Wear them down til they love you is what I say.

Guaranteed to help you lose weight instantly!

Bullsh*t. The only way to lose weight is to reduce calorie consumption and increase the amount of calories you burn. All those miracle diets are useless because they aren’t maintainable. Plus, they are often very unhealthy. Nothing in life is instantaneous. You have to work for it.

It’s not the size that matters.

Yes, size does matter. This is not to say that you need to be bigger or wider, but it does help. Not all women like bigger penises, but most do. Luckily, there are plenty of other ways to satisfy a woman — or man, if that’s your thing. And that whole "the bigger breasts, the better" phenomenon I never got it. As long as it’s a nice handful, that’s all you need.

I think that’s a great business idea and I would definitely buy.

Unless a person is handing you money, don’t believe they will buy a product. Most people will tell you that they will buy something, but then retract their offer as soon as money gets involved. Would I buy a flying car? Hell, yes! Oh wait…but I don’t have half a million dollars just lying around at the moment.

Get unbiased opinions from people that you don’t know and that aren’t invested in you. If you are thinking about launching a new product, then sell the product before even producing it — but never actually accept payment (that would be illegal). Collect the information of those that were about to input their credit card information and contact them when you are ready to ship.

It’s okay. I was tested.

Sure…they were tested last month. The only problem is that they had unprotected sex with three people since then. Believe it or not, it only takes one bad seed. Don’t have unprotected sex. It’s not as enjoyable, true…but until they find a cure for AIDS, it’s best to avoid it. Plus, why risk bringing a child into the world before you’re ready for it?