When the world floods over and we enter a "Waterworld"-style, post-apocalyptic, landless hell era, what will you tell the violent mermaid gangs when they ask you what YOU did to stop global warming?
Personally, I'll be able to hold my head high. Because I, along with millions of secret companions, will have jerked it for the planet.
Pornhub (the company that brought you timeless classics like "3D SEX WITH SLUTTY GRANDMAS!") has come out with the Wankband, a sort-of watch that generates sustainable energy when you use your hand to have sex with yourself.
The wrist-mounted device - -which is still in "bater" testing -- generates and stores energy as you move, and can be used to then charge your phone.
I can masturbate and save the rain forest at the same time? My bucket list just got 50 percent shorter.
The best part? You can wear the Wankband around town as a fashion accessory -- if you want people to know you jerk off enough to power a Prius.
Don't be on the wrong side of history, guys (and girls).