We're a little under a month into 2016, and you know what that means: It's time to figure out what color you would be if you were a nail polish once and for all!
Based on our foolproof, very scientific and highly-complex testing system, we are prepared to help you crack the code.
1. Pick your favorite color and/or style from the chart below 2. Find the letter description that matches your color 3. Reveal your destiny
A. The Eighth Kardashian
Color: Matte Bronze
Description: You will never shine as bright as Kim or Khloé or Kourtney or Kris or Kendall or Kylie… but MAYBE brighter than Rob. Poor Rob.
Where to Wear It: On your couch, Sundays 9 pm EST.
B. Bloody Mary
Color: Brownish Red
Description: You're an alcoholic and very cool about it. This color matches the Bloody Mary you're drinking right now.
Where to Wear It: Brunch and/or the bathroom floor.
C. Kale Kolor
Color: Dark Green
Description: Sorry you hate all good things in life. LOL, JK JK JK, OMG you love nutrition, we know.
Where to Wear It: Soul Cycle.
D. Hot Line Blink
Color: Sparkly, Hot Pink
Description: We don't have to tell you this sparkly, hot pink is exactly the way to a hip-hop artist's heart. It is ideal for finding a husband.
Where to wear It: Da club.
E. Hillary Clinton Loves Sex
Color: Navy Blue
Description: This sultry, deep navy says you're a woman of the world. You have a scandal or two under your belt and you're not afraid to use them. It's also kind of grey, which we think means there's an old lady joke in here somewhere.
Where to Wear It: The Oval Office or just a normal office, depending.
Color: Reddish Orange
Description: This color is a fiery reddish orange because you're a fiery basket case, like a lion or something else that roars. (Full disclosure: This color is mostly an excuse for our writers to use the wordplay “Rooooarrrrange.”)
Where to Wear It: Everywhere, kind of like a warning flag.
G. Time To Call An Uber
Color: Metallic Black
Description: This color is reminiscent of the wee hours of the night when the rest of the world has gone to bed and you're stranded with no cash in the East Village after an epic karaoke marathon.
Where to Wear It: Stranded with no cash in the East Village after an epic karaoke marathon.
H. Gluten Free
Color: Pale-ish Off White
Description: You're the second best thing since sliced bread. And by second best we mean the actual worst.
Where to Wear It: Weight Watchers meetings.
I. Hello Kitty
Color: Hello Kitty
Description: It's Hello Kitty.
Where to Wear It: Japan.