40 Things College Students Think Are Sexy, But Absolutely Aren't

by Candice Jalili
Columbia Pictures

I obviously cannot speak for you because I don't know you or where you grew up, but my extremely strict Catholic school upbringing didn't leave a lot of room for being sexy.

But then I went to college, and it was time to go BUCK WILD.

Bandage skirts? Check. Grinding? Check. Making out with a virtual stranger in the middle of a party? CHECK.

Obviously, the problem here is, none of those things are actually sexy. In fact, they are the antithesis of sexy.

But how was I supposed to know? I was just trying to figure it all out for myself, and all I really had to go by were other freshmen girls who were also failing miserably at their attempts to be sexy.

So, without further ado, here are 40 things college students all mistake for "sexy."

1. Really tight neon "outfits."

2. ABC-themed parties (aka Anything But Clothes).

3. Bandage skirts.

4. Shirts you ripped to be crop tops.

5. Slutty Halloween costumes.

6. Ripping the same amount of shots as your crush.

7. Getting blackout drunk.

8. Sending flirty drunk texts with purposefully jumbled letters.

9. Covering your dorm room walls in “hot” photos of you and your friends from high school.



11. PDA in the quad.

12. PDA outside your dorm room.

13. PDA at the party.

14. PDA outside your class.

15. PDA in class.

16. PDA at formal.

17. PDA literally anywhere.

18. Wearing sky-high heels you can't walk in.

19. Flirting with your professor.

20. Rolling up to a party with a crew of 1,000 girls.

21. Taking a million "hot" pictures of you and said crew before you go out.

21. Taking a million "hot" pictures of you and your crew before you go out.

22. Making out with someone else in front of your crush.

23. Wearing the frat pinnies of guys you barely know, just to make it look like you hook up.

24. Proudly walking around with a hickey from last night on  your neck.

25. Getting hickies in general.

26. Giving hickies.

27. Wearing fraternity letters.

28. Funneling or shotgunning literally anything.

29. Keg stands.

30. Body shots.

31. Flirting with the bouncer to get into the shitty dive bar that lets in literally everyone.

32. Drunkenly jumping in a blow-up pool in the back of a frat house (that's probably infested with jizz and some sort of fungus) during a day party.

33. Taking tequila shots.

33. Taking tequila shots.

34. Going out on weeknights.

35. Waking up in a random stranger's bed.

36. Going to a frat formal.

37. Almost having sex with your formal date on the bus there.

38. Wearing a dress so short your panties are out for half the night.

39. Attending parties with themes such as "CEO Bros and Office Hoes" and dressing to theme.

40. Wearing a bathing suit to a party where there would be no swimming pool.