Contrary to what women sometimes believe, there are most definitely tiers of hot.
There are certain types of hot for certain types of men, the same way there’s Brad Pitt for some women and Javier Bardem for others. It’s all about taste and personal preference.
However, as an insightful stoner once told me, “there is such a thing as good taste” and some men just have it.
Thus, I’d like to dissect one of the hottest groups there is; one that requires a taste and preference for something closer to the greener side; a group that really needs no introduction other than the illustrious, all-powerful, Stoner Chick.
A unicorn, a shooting star, she’s almost unattainable and definitely untamable. We’ve already gone over the multitude of reasons why you should date a stoner chick and why they are perfect women, but we’ve never really given women any advice on how to be one (although a true stoner chick just becomes one without much calculation). However, sometimes it’s just nice to be reassured that you are indeed part of this elite class.
So while we think that all women are beautiful and every woman has something to offer, it's time to give some praise to the women who actually do offer something tangible: herb.
They are there with their bowls and grinders, rolling up joints and toking up blunts and giving men restored faith that women can indeed be pretty damn chill.
So, if you're unsure if you've hit stoner chick status yet or are thinking about crossing over, here's the 10 steps to being a truly hot stoner chick.
Build up that tolerance
There’s no such thing as a hot paranoid chick. Stoner chicks are known for being like "one of the guys” and that means being able to keep up with them. If you take a bong hit and start eating the sofa, you’re not there yet.
Have your own supply
The sign of a true stoner chick is 10-digit number and a low price. She's got her own dealer and her own special prices to go with it. She's never borrowing, asking or taking it from anyone, but supplying it.
Know good music
You can’t go over and smoke with the guys if you’re gonna put on Taylor Swift.
If you say you like Pink Floyd, you better know what your favorite track is, what’s the best album on vinyl and how many minutes The Dark Side of The Moon is.
Good music taste is directly proportional to weed intake. The more you smoke, the more you’ll know.
Know your tools
Bongs, pipes, grinders, bubblers, vapes, volcanoes, pens: you know it all.
You’ve been making apples, waterfalls and homemade gatorade bongs since that fateful day your mom found your bowl.
Know your cult classics
No one is going want to smoke before "The Lucky One" (unless it’s purely ironic).
A hot stoner chick has impeccable taste in movies, literature and, as stated before, music. And just like music, the quality of her television choices is proportional to her weed intake.
Her favorite stars should have long ago changed from Zac Efron to someone in the Bill Murray, Seth Rogen and Woody Allen category.
Drop some knowledge
Hot stoner chicks don't just speak when spoken too, but when they have something awesome to say. They are full of wise words, interesting tidbits and are always coming up with some great invention.
They're soulful, inquisitive and probably hilarious.
No woman should fall behind the shadow of a man, especially a stoner chick. She has her opinions and sticks to them, even when the hazy cloud sets around her and affects her judgement.
Dress like a hot dude
Effortless style for effortless beauty, right? Well, effortless for the effortless is how the stoner chick looks at it. Throw on your brother's sweatpants, some rings on your toes, a hot beanie and you're good to go.
Stoner chicks don't worry about heels, makeup or anything remotely feminine because who needs makeup when you've got herb?
Be down for anything that could happen... in a park
Whether it's throwing rocks at trains or dancing with the homeless man in Central Park, stoner chicks are down for anything. They like to be outdoors and appreciate the spontaneity of life.
Have stoner friends
The best way to be a stoner chick is to have a bunch of stoner friends. There's nothing better than a chick who knows how to socialize.
Because when you're a chick with a crew, you're a stoner chick; but without one, you're just a loner chick.