These Texts People Sent Their Exes Will Make You Happy You're Not Them

Back in the day, if you got drunk and wanted to talk to your ex at 3 am, you had to pick up a phone and call his or her house -- the whole house, where, presumably, other people lived. And if someone else picked up, this happened:

Hello? I LOVE YOU, SHERYL!!! Who is this? SHERYL, I WANT TO MAKE A FAMILY WITH YOU -- ALSO D'YOU WANNA GO SEE 'STAR WARS' IN THEATERS TOMORROW? I HEAR IT'S SO GOOD! This is Carol, Sheryl's roommate. Oh... um... hi, Carol. Could you put Sheryl on? This is Matthew. Didn't you have sex with her cousin last month? THAT WAS A LONG TIME AGO IN AN AREA CODE FAR, FAR AWAY! Bye. [Click]

Today, on the other hand, your ex is literally seconds away from sending you a picture of his penis at all times. Mix that with alcohol, and you can pretty much be guaranteed to have a sh*tty experience with your ex.

Thankfully for all of us, there is an Instagram account collecting these hilarious exchanges for our viewing pleasure.

Unspirational, aka textsfromyourex, posts real texts submitted by real people showing off their real-life horror shows.

Check out a selection of some of my favorite posts below.

Seriously, Tyler, I have no idea how this Jedi mind trick didn't work.

A lot of these have some truly amazing burns in them.

Ask and you shall receive.

This young man is having car troubles.

Sometimes, honesty is the only solution.

I LOVE THIS ONE. And yeah, I read it as "heart," too.

Ugh, I really want to know what "dew respect" is. Like, is it when one droplet of moisture gives props to another droplet of moisture that got up really early that day?

Oh, you were drunk? I thought you just had a texting stutter.

Honestly, Tyler with the win here.

Damn, that is straight over the plate.

Look, we all know shroom contacts are in low supply, OK? Heartbreak cannot get in the way of psychic expansion.

The struggle is real.

This ex's argument is pretty flawless. Step up your game, frequent flyer.

Very, very good work here.

Then, there is this one. I wasn't going to include it because of the C-word, but I just had to. It has a snake, "Avatar" and one of the worst words in the English language all in two texts.

Citations: Hilarious Instagram Page Shows Why You Shouldn't Text Your Ex (UNILAD)