10 Reasons I'll Always Choose Tacos Over Having A Boyfriend

by Holly Harris

Why waste your time endlessly searching for a man when life-affirming tacos are literally always within your grasp?

Not only are they cheap and delicious, they are satisfying in ways a lot of relationships fall short.

Grab a taco, try not to spill it on your keyboard and relate to these 10 reasons why you really just need a taco in your life:

1. It’s significantly less dangerous to drunkenly wander over to a truck because there are tacos inside.

Being on the prowl for tacos late at night is almost never a risky venture.

While your friends might slap you for wandering down an ally toward boys in a truck, they’ll probably throw cash at you if tacos are the things you’re stumbling after.

If you're lusting after something you can find on the curb after last call, tacos are always your best bet.

2. No one judges you for admitting you’d prefer multiple tacos.

No one has ever said, “Oh my god, why? That first taco is so perfect, and it loves you so much.”

If you know you’ll never be satisfied with just one, get a few. It's a judgement-free zone.

Some places literally have “meat variety” on the menu.

3. It’s totally acceptable to toss them in the trash the next day.

You've had your fill of them the night before.

Now that the sun is up, you don’t really want them in your apartment anymore.

No need to fake an early morning meeting. Just toss last night's tacos in the trash where they belong.

4. Been disappointed by whiskey dick? Tacos actually perform better once you drink.

They’re actually more satisfying when you’re wasted.

No need to pace yourself when you know you want to have tacos later.

You’re never too drunk for a fourth meal.

5. A date with tacos never needs to break the bank.

Skip the new outfit, nails and blowout.

Dig the loose change from the bottom of your purse and enjoy an almost free date with the world’s most perfect food.

6. Tacos are the trendiest emoji.

You obviously don’t want to use the kissy face or hand-holding emojis after the glorious, recent iOS update.

Take a taco home tonight and caption away (unless you can get your hands on a unicorn instead).

7. Your roommates will be less pissed if you drunkenly get taco juice on the couch.

They won’t be happy about it, but it’s preferable to the fluids you’d be staining the shared furniture with if there was a boyfriend on the couch the night before instead of a taco.

Apologize and make a solid attempt at cleaning up.

Enjoy the knowledge that your roomie is actually lying on the floor because her back hurts, not because you've traumatized her from sitting on the couch.

8. You know all the negative consequences up front.

Men and relationships can surprise you and completely f*ck up your day or life.

With tacos, you know exactly what you’re getting into from the beginning. You can determine the exact probability of the next day being ruined based on where you’re going and how many you order.

No matter the outcome, you’re always in control of how much pain you’ll be in in the future.

9. You can share tacos with your friends with no awkwardness the following morning.

You don’t have to tiptoe around the “What happened last night?” conversation or wonder if your friendship is now doomed.

You can eat the sh*t out of some tacos together.

The morning will only be awkward if you share a bathroom.

10. Too much meat is an easy fix.

If all the beef won’t fit into your mouth, just dump some out on the paper the taco came in and keep moving.

No problem.