7 Ways Stoners Are Basically Just Old People In Very Stoned Bodies

Stoners. In the past, they've been stereotyped as either high school dropouts or the coolest kids in class. Luckily, the stoner stereotype has expanded to embrace pothead prodigies, marijuana mansion owners, James Franco and ganja scientists.

Still, whether you're young or old, smoking pot basically makes all of us act like Florida-bound retirees for these key reasons.

We fall asleep in the middle of movies.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say even the most upbeat sativas will make me fall asleep in the first 15 minutes of "Saving Private Ryan."

We have lots of wisdom nobody appreciates.

Stoners have insights your average Sober Sally simply does not -- that's just a fact of living that #WeedLife.

Old people also have wisdom because they've been around for a hella long time -- enough time to learn, like, really important life lessons and stuff. We should listen to both, but nobody really does.

We eat Jell-O.

Nothing soothes a bong-charred throat quite like a cold spoonful of Jell-O. Also, poking a mold of it and watching it jiggle will keep you entertained for hours.

Old people eat Jell-O when they run out of rice pudding.

We're pretty forgetful.

Want to know what it feels like to have your memory deteriorate as you get older? Smoke a blunt and try to find your sunglasses. Chances are they're on your head, but it'll take you a good half hour before you realize it.

We get comfy on the reg.

When you're stoned, you don't want to be confined by the latest trends. You want an elastic waistband and a Snuggie with your name embroidered on it. In other words, you want an outfit that'll adjust to your expanding belly as you work your way through a massive Taco Bell haul.

Sweats and orthopedic shoes for the win.

We're sh*tty drivers.

Take it from me: The first and last time I drove stoned, I stopped and waited for a pinecone to cross the road because I thought it was a possum. Don't drive while stoned, and don't drive while old.

We live the life y'all wish you had.

This might be the biggest commonality between potheads and old people: We like to chill, take naps on the beach and let the good times roll.

Everyone else should take a cue from us and relax a little. It'll help you live longer.

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