I have pretty much no happy memories when it comes to the tooth fairy.
Even as a small child I was anti-capitalist, and strongly against the buying and selling of body parts for profit.
The big problems for me were: Why the fuck does this supernatural creature want my dead, useless teeth, and why am I being paid so little for them?
Teeth don't grow on trees, Tooth Fairy. They grow on the gums of growing children. You should know that.
I'm not sure if I'll uphold the tradition of telling my own children that an otherworldly creature collects the discarded calcium rocks we chew food with in the middle of the night from under our pillows.
But if I do, I'll follow this guy's lead.
Kellie Dawson's daughter Scarlett lost a tooth, and Kellie's husband decided to leave her this impressive note. It's full of grade A puns and provides a peek into some dad's imagining of a tooth fairy world.
She posted the letter on Twitter and people are dying over her husband's work.
I can only assume the all caps style is to obscure his handwriting.
Check out the note below:
My favorite part of the whole note is probably that it's simply signed "TF."
It's like the parent is pitching a tooth fairy movie where the tooth fairy is rebranded as a cool, chilled out, slang-using tooth peddler. I'd watch that movie.
Just kidding. I wouldn't. No one would. It's a bad idea. Sorry.