I'm going to tell it to you straight: This article is about a security guard who finds and then captures a very cute wild rabbit. That's it. And by the end of it, you will love it more than your mom.
According to Metro, Ruben Andrews, 21, was driving home one day when he came upon a rabbit and captured it. He documented his glee and love for the rabbit in a Snapchat story, which he tweeted out six months later. That tweet exploded, getting shared over 55,000 times.
His finding the rabbit was particularly serendipitous because, as he put it, he wanted a rabbit “for the fucking longest!”
At first, he thought it was the “albino squirrel” he'd seen lurking in the area before. But upon closer inspection, he saw it for what it really was.
This motherfucker so cute — look at his dirty little face — oh I'm gonna get you cleaned up, buy you some new Jordans.
How did he get the rabbit to not run away? Standard rabbit-catching technique: He lured the rabbit with cookies.
There are SO many amazing quotes in this video.
Here's my favorite one.
I got fucked tonight, but not by her, by a rabbit. Cause it's a boy. And I was checking to see, and I guess I played with the peepee too much and he started pumping me.
"Her" is Ruben's girlfriend, who is in the car with him. And let me remind you, rabbits notoriously loves to hump.
By the end of the video, Ruben just starts musing on and admiring the hand that caught the rabbit. It's safe to say this is the funniest video ever put on the Internet.
So, what happened to Ruben and the rabbit? They live together and are best friends.
The rabbit's name?
Ruben's also selling these shirts:
Ruben is my hero.