Sassy Judge Has Perfect Clap Back To Criminal's Bragging Facebook Status

David Newlands is an asshole.

Actually, sorry, that's not correct. As a journalist, I'm supposed to be impartial and focus on factual accuracy above all else, so I will rephrase my previous statement. David Newlands is not an asshole, he is the diarrhea an asshole makes. No. He is clam chowder and Four Loco vomit. No. He is polio.

David Newlands, 24, was sentenced to 150 hours of community service by a London judge for chasing and punching a man with learning disabilities through the streets with seven other men.

Newlands then decided the best judicial defense strategy, given his circumstance, would be to simply not do the community service.

His next ingenious piece of legal savvy involved sharing this Facebook status, where he bragged about not doing the community service he was required by, you know, the law to do.


(By the way, Newlands is Scottish, so his internet slang is, um, Scottish.)

He wrote,

People wonder y this country is fucked ? A got a high court conviction n they never sent me eh jail instead gave me a community order ..told them to stick it up their pipe so got sent back to court n what do they dae ? The judge says mr Newlands I would refer to you as an idiot..n then what does he dae ? He geez me it again fuck c.s n fuck probation am no dayn it simple !! Fuck the polis !!!

Now, first of all, the first line of this is, "People wonder y this country is fucked?" And the answer he presumably gives is the country is "fucked" because they won't adequately punish him for his crimes? I'm extremely confused, David.

Anyway, after posting this status, he was called to court again for not doing his community service (I'm assuming they'd just eventually forget about it. You know how that happens sometimes?), and the Judge had this to say:

It's always interesting to see a different view on sentencing as in, 'I'm out bro easy.' As they say 'lol.'

He then went on to explain,

I gave you two chances. You didn't take the chances. I hope you don't think I'm doing this out of anger. In truth, it enlivened what was otherwise a dull day.

Mashable reports Newlands is now going to jail for nine months.

Oh, and by the way, this is what he looks like:


That's the face of someone who beat the system.