Sassy Judge Has Perfect Clap Back To Criminal's Bragging Facebook Status
David Newlands is an asshole.
Actually, sorry, that's not correct. As a journalist, I'm supposed to be impartial and focus on factual accuracy above all else, so I will rephrase my previous statement. David Newlands is not an asshole, he is the diarrhea an asshole makes. No. He is clam chowder and Four Loco vomit. No. He is polio.
Newlands then decided the best judicial defense strategy, given his circumstance, would be to simply not do the community service.
His next ingenious piece of legal savvy involved sharing this Facebook status, where he bragged about not doing the community service he was required by, you know, the law to do.
(By the way, Newlands is Scottish, so his internet slang is, um, Scottish.)
Now, first of all, the first line of this is, "People wonder y this country is fucked?" And the answer he presumably gives is the country is "fucked" because they won't adequately punish him for his crimes? I'm extremely confused, David.
Anyway, after posting this status, he was called to court again for not doing his community service (I'm assuming they'd just eventually forget about it. You know how that happens sometimes?), and the Judge had this to say:
He then went on to explain,
Mashable reports Newlands is now going to jail for nine months.
Oh, and by the way, this is what he looks like:
That's the face of someone who beat the system.