There's a lot more that goes into your salad than just a few leaves and veggies. Salad-making is a well-thought-out process, matching colors, textures and flavors to create a bowl that's reflective of your personal taste.
You can tell a lot about people based on their salad fix-ins and dressings. Building your own salad is like the days of customized fro-yo -- every creation is unique to you.
Think we're kidding? Think loving the Cobb doesn't make you a best-of-both-worlds kind of person? Or sprinkling on any type of crunchy topping doesn't make you a wee bit of a healthy poseur?
Your salad reveals a lot more than you initially thought when you were just a young lad and the only one of your friends who asked the server for the freshly ground pepper. There's even a Tinder for star-crossed salad lovers looking to find the oil to their vinegar or the heart of their palm.
You are what you eat, even if that means you're as loose as a bag of lettuce leaves.
Here's what your salad preferences say about you:
Long Live Caesar Dressing: The Over-the-Top
Like a Caesar salad, you're bad, but you taste so good. When you do things, you do them all out -- you're not just one fattening crouton, you're the dressing and the cheese and the whole entire thing.
You like to break the rules and piss other people off for your own entertainment (especially when you order it in wrap-form).
Caesar salad people do things their own way and make it their own; they'll have the salad, but they'll take away anything that's even remotely healthy about it.
Balsamic Vinaigrette: The Classic
Let us guess, you like cucumbers and tomatoes in there also? Like your dressing of choice, you like to play it safe and stick with what you're comfortable with (nothing wrong with that -- everybody loves a classic vinaigrette).
Olives are considered adventurous for your tastes, and when you order artichokes, you really think you're going wild.
You prefer standing by your staples like grilled chicken and shaved carrots. If it ain't broke, don't fix it, is the motto you live by.
You're kind of like the “Olive Garden” version of a human being: stable, predictable and so warm-hearted, you make people feel like they are your family.
Red Wine Vinegar And Olive Oil: The Purist
Upon first taste, you are slightly acidic, but once people get to know you, they savor you to the very last drop. You strive for balance and aren't afraid to mix it up. You're very good at shaking things off your back and going with the flow. Red wine and olive oil types aren't high maintenance.
You're a good friend who can always be counted on to show up when no one else is around -- you're basically the staple in your group of friends who binds everyone together.
You like to keep things light, easy and uncomplicated. That doesn't mean you don't have bite, though. Just because you're made of olive oil doesn't mean you're an extra virgin.
Ranch: The "Wild Child"
You go big or you go home, which is exactly why you're eating something that's one buffalo wing away from being the Superbowl of salads. You are totally confident, a trait that has been cultivated from years of ordering ranch dressing at expensive steakhouses without shame.
You are a thoughtful individual -- your salad dressing can even pass for a sauce, a condiment and a dip! Ranch enthusiasts tend to stick together, lest they find themselves at a tailgate, alone, without ranch!
You sparkle and glimmer just like the unidentified black specks in your namesake dressing. You aren't afraid to BYOB and leave it in the office fridge because ranch lovers are proud.
Italian: The Zester
The Italian dressing enthusiasts aren't content with just a little olive oil and vinegar; they have to distinguish themselves with unidentified random flakes of “flavor.” They're kind of poseurs, since they're already an established group with just some new fancy name.
Italian dressing people have a zest for life -- they like to live it to the fullest and that includes the smattering of heart-clogging meat that comes in their salad. They tend to be rather good-looking because most of them come in “lighter” forms.
They can be a little shady because they don't like everyone knowing they're really just oil and vinegar in disguise! We're onto you, Italian dressing, we are.
Honey Mustard: The Easy-Going
You're a lot of flavor without a lot of complicated steps, and you make it easy for other people to follow your lead. There's never a time people aren't in the mood for you because you provide the best of both worlds.
You're great with anything, from salads to chicken to even pizza.
People like to keep you around because you're versatile and always down for anything. Honey mustard peeps are two parts sweet and one part tangy, and it's always slightly different each time, so you never know which version of the person you're going to get. That's OK, we would get bored otherwise.
Blue Cheese: The Anarchist
So what if no one wants to sit near you? You couldn't care less because this isn't about pleasing everybody else's nostrils; it's about satisfying yourself. You aren't about conventional ways of doing things, and you don't care if your actions alienate others if it makes you happy in the end.
Some people just don't understand you, but that's because they have yet to see your powerful vibes and potent flavor. You live your life in the unhealthiest way possible because you live by the philosophy that you're not coming out of it alive.
You basically clog hearts with all the love you are capable of, if only people could get past your initial greeting.
Raspberry: The WTF?
What are you even doing here? You're a fruit, you don't belong in salad! Stay on your own side of the vegetable garden, and no one gets hurt.