If Popular Apps Used Cheesy Pick-Up Lines, This Is What They'd Be


When it comes to things you never want to encounter at a bar, I'd say "pick-up lines" probably rank between "stepping in a puddle of vomit with sandals on" and "a bachelor party" in terms of objective awfulness.

Pick-up lines are inherently corny insults to the English language that too many people turn to when trying to start a conversation, despite the fact that anyone who is actually wooed by one isn't someone worth wooing in the first place.

However, dreaming up one-liners that should never actually be uttered can be a lot more entertaining than it should be.

After having too much fun coming up with terrible superhero puns, we picked an entirely arbitrary subject and decided to see what could come up with.

The result was pick-up lines for the apps and websites most people use every day.

A word of advice to anyone in Silicon Valley who is actually inspired to try these out in the real world: don't. Just don't.

Just think of all of the coupon codes that could be yours!

 That's a promotional offer that's hard to beat.

You might have a good time -- just don't expect ever to see them again.

Netflix isn't scared of commitment.

Spotify is the guy who can't understand why women would be offended by catcalls.

Instagram is the guy who manages to get a drink thrown in his face at some point in the night (and who spends the next day in a bowl of rice drying out).

"How would you like to come back to my place and watch some GIFs?"

Twitter's been known to exceed 140 characters after a couple of rounds.

Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

At least he's upfront about it.

Google Plus isn't bitter. Not at all.

It's not as classy as it sounds.

At least it's more subtle than Tinder.

No! Bad Venmo! Very bad Venmo.