My parents are way cooler than me. There is no other way to put it.
They rock. They're glamorous; they're the life of the party. And I had to accept long ago that I will never, EVER be as cool.
Of course, they're good parents, so they try to humor me. They try to reassure me that I'm very cool, too. And I know I am. But, like all children of immensely cool and fun parents, I understand that I will always be outdone by my creators.
And here are 25 realities you have to deal with if you have cool parents, too.
1. Everyone in high school knew their names before they knew yours.
“Oh my God, oh my God, you’re Tony’s daughter?! Your dad is HILARIOUS.”
2. People ask if it’s “hard for you.”
"Is it hard being her daughter…?”
WHY? WHY WOULD IT BE HARD? BECAUSE SHE’S DOPE AS F*CK, AND I’M NOT?!
3. You feel like you have to prove yourself to them.
I never felt the need to impress my peers. But I have always felt the need to impress my infinitely cool parents. "LOOK, MOM, I WENT OUT LAST NIGHT!"
4. The most peer pressure you have ever felt has been from them.
“It's a Friday night. Why are you home? Go out with your friends, and stop being a loser.”
5. You bring your parents out with you to prove how cool you are.
No, seriously. I’m made from them. I’M COOL, TOO!
6. You've partied with mom and dad on more than one occasion.
… and you've never managed to keep up with them.
7. They give you advice that doesn’t apply to your life because you are in no way, shape or form swag enough.
“Always say no the first time they propose to you.” “Always order the seafood platter when you’re eating in Paris.”
8. They are so right about everything... in an annoying way.
When I was in first grade, all I wanted was a matching mother-daughter outfit with my mom. She told me we couldn't do that because that was for “loser mothers and daughters.”
I resented her and assumed this was because she had no fashion sense (ironic, because she’s a fashion designer). Turns out, she was right. Matching mother-daughter outfits are lame.
9. All your cool clothes were once theirs.
Currently wearing a necklace my dad gave my mom years ago. It's also by far the most complimented thing I own.
10. They are always the life of the party.
At every holiday party, they thrive... and you morph into the awkward middle schooler standing by the bleachers at the school dance.
11. All of your friends are friends with them on Facebook.
And they aren’t the lame parents your friends hide their pictures from. They’re the fun ones being tagged in your friends’ pictures.
12. They get invited to more parties than you do.
“Mom, wanna hang out tonight?” “It’s Friday. I have four events. I can see if they’ll let me bring a plus-one?”
13. They get invited to the same parties.
It was the day of my college graduation. I didn’t want to sit through the entire ceremony after I got my diploma so I, being the fun-loving gal that I am, snuck out with my friends to start drinking.
Wanting to be nice, I texted my dad and said, “Dad, we’re meeting at my house to start partying -- come!” He responded: “Already been here for a while now. Laura makes a mean Bloody Mary!”
14. They get hit on more than you do.
Simply put: My parents PULL.
15. Your friends respect their opinions more than yours.
“Yeah, that sounds good, but will you call your dad and ask him what he thinks?”
16. Your parents tell you things about your friends that you didn’t know yourself.
“Don’t you love Jake?”
“Kristen’s new boyfriend!”
WELL MAYBE I WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT I LOVED HIM IF KRISTEN -- MY BEST FRIEND -- HAD TOLD ME SHE HAD A NEW BOYFRIEND!
17. Your friends hang out with your parents without you.
Tomorrow night, my mom will be in Chicago for business. Naturally, she's going to dinner and clubbing with my best friend, who lives there.
18. They have fans.
People are obsessed with them in a fangirl sort of way. It’s weird. Like, hop off, that’s my dad.
19. People constantly comment on how good-looking your parents are.
“Wow, they really are SO good-looking.”
20. Random club owners ask you how your parents are doing.
A good family friend growing up was named “Dr. Winky.” He was not a doctor, and his last name was not “Winky.”
21. When you go out, they get hit on more than you do.
Like, hey everyone, PAWS OFF MY PARENTS.
22. People use you to be friends with them.
You think your friends are there to hang with you... until you notice you're in the third hour of this “hangout” and haven’t left the kitchen, where your mom and dad are chilling.
23. Your life always feels pretty tame in comparison.
Even when I have a particularly shameful weekend, I rest assured knowing they have done much, much worse. And they seem to be doing okay for themselves!
24. They've told you to “get a life” multiple times.
My mother’s catchphrase: “Candice, get a life.”
25. You are constantly running into their exes.
Running into your own exes is never a problem because you could never have NEARLY as many exes as they do. Not to mention, I would rather run into any ex than hear about what a satisfying lover my father was.