Ah, St. Patrick's Day. That holiday you never get off from work, but you get really drunk on anyway.
Personally, I love St. Patrick's Day. I don't have to buy anyone gifts. I have no obligation to see my extended family. I get to drink a lot, and I look great in green.
However, there is one thing that makes my St. Patrick's Day a little different than the majority of the population's: my hair color. Yep, I'm one of those soulless gingers.
Sure, us gingers definitely have fun on St. Paddy's day. It's a day to celebrate Irish heritage, which, yes, many gingers do identify with (though not all of them). But, we also spend much of the day fielding the same unwanted comments we hear every year.
So, if you would like to stay in the good books of your friends blessed with the red hair, here are a few phrases you should avoid.
1. "Why aren't you, of all people, wearing green?"
Umm, maybe because I wanted to look cute at the bar today? I'm not contractually obligated to wear green just because my hair is red.
2. "Happy Ginger Acceptance Day!"
Bitch, you'd better be accepting me all 365 days of the year.
3. "It's your holiday!"
Actually, it's an Irish holiday, and not all redheads are Irish. (It's OK to ask!)
4. "All your people are out today!"
No, sweetie, we've always been here. Watching you. Planning your demise.
5. "So, you must have big plans for the day, right?"
Maybe, maybe not. I don't see why I'm expected to have plans any more than the brunettes.
6. "You can be my leprechaun."
7. "When do I get to kiss you?"
Nope. Unless you're cute. Then, maybe.
8. "Gingers have no sou--"
Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone, and please be considerate of all of us lovely gingers.