Comedy Central

Food You Should Have Ready When You Come Home Drunk

All week, you work hard to eat healthy.

You make a bean salad for the week, bring quinoa to work and avoid every single bag of chips at the office.

Then, drunk you comes home Friday night and messes it all up.

She orders pizza and gets talked into the breadsticks and large soda combo. Then, she finishes off whatever ice cream managed to survive the week.

The worst part is, you barely remember any it. There's no way calories should count if you can't recall enjoying them, but for some reason, that's just not how science works.

The solution? Having prepared food ready for the hungry tornado that is drunk you.

Here are five types of food you can have ready for when you come home drunk:

1. Some kind of noodles

Noodles? Fun!

There's nothing more endearing than watching an inebriated person try to wrap noodles around a fork and reach their mouth. Sneak some veggies in and use a little olive oil and garlic in place of a heavy sauce.

They're great cold, so drunk you won't have to struggle with the microwave again.

The starch will also help soak up the booze. That means less of your following day will be spent in bed, swearing off alcohol.

2. Things that seem like pizza but aren't pizza

Drunk you loves pizza, but she is also easily tricked.

Satisfy that craving with the flavors of pizza in a healthy alternative. Make a casserole with butternut squash, tomato sauce, cheese and pepperoni on top.

Maybe throw together a whole-wheat pita with mushrooms, spinach and goat cheese.

You can even just throw some cooked veggies in tomato sauce and have some cheese ready to melt on top.

Who cares? If you're drunk enough, everything is pizza.

3. Block of cheese

There's nothing quite like biting into a whole brick of sharp cheddar. It's a beautiful experience, and the alcohol will have taken away any sense of shame that might follow.

Plus, there's barely any carbs and you don't even have to prepare this meal. Eat this meal straight of out the plastic wrap.

Take advantage of this time when no crackers are necessary.

4. Something vegan

Sober you may not care for a vegan soy patty, but drunk you sees a delicious, juicy burger.

It has all of the protein with less fat than actual meat, and you feel way less guilty in the morning. Your blackout is the perfect time to slip in a bit of that healthy vegan lifestyle.

5. A mix of all the food about to go bad in your refrigerator

Half a burrito, an apple and a salad from Tuesday?

You might see some items one day away from being garbage, but drunk you sees a wealth of combinations.

Chop it all up and make an apple salad burrito! A burrito salad with apple!

Drunk you is a sucker for good marketing, so work with what you have and sell it. You know she'll bite.