I've talked a lot about the importance of coming up with an intriguing opening line after getting a match on Tinder, and people have developed a number of strategies and approaches that can be employed to boost your conversion rate.
Some people ask a question that's just interesting enough to warrant a response -- something like, "In terms of decibels, how loud do you think your loudest fart ever was?" If that doesn't work, then you can always ask very directly if they want to have sex.
It doesn't have a great success rate, but if they say yes, you'll look like a genius.
Another popular strategy involves penning long and elaborate stories and proposals (or finding long and elaborate proposals other people have written and presenting them as your own).
The rationale here is that these people will get so emotionally invested that they'll, at the very minimum, do some hand stuff.
I can't tell you how successful these Tinder novels were when they were used in the wild, but something tells me they probably worked a lot better in theory. Get ready to scroll longer than you've scrolled in a long time.
This was stolen verbatim from the controversial LSAT question that caused a stir back in 2012.
I'm going to ignore the sheer absurdity of everything else in this situation to note that skim milk could never be used as an adhesive for Milk Duds.
This is, far and away, the most reasonable first date compared to everything else on this list. Get excited.
Those are the kind of stories you tell your kids at the dinner table with a smile on your face and a twinkle in your eye.
You're not going to seduce anyone with a run-on sentence like that.
I really hope the hoarse throat is referring to vocal exhaustion. If not, there's something seriously fishy going on here in an anatomical sense.
If this had actually happened, they would have gotten married on the spot in accordance with federal law.
This could be a book. Sure, it would probably be an ebook that goes for $1.99 on Amazon, but it would still technically be a book.
I don't have this conversation in its entirety, but I'm going to assume it ended just like the one above. At least there's a little bit of originality.
Leave the dogs out of this. They never asked to be a part of your twisted plan.
That sounds like a pretty terrible idea, but you should never underestimate just how desperate horny people can get.
Something tells me her vagina just went into permanent hibernation.
"What's you favorite food?" doesn't cut it anymore.
This might somehow be creepier than the one where someone gets covered in honey.
Everyone else needs to learn a thing or two from this one. If you're going to write a Twitter novel, this is how you do it.