When Are We Going To Stop Ignoring Adam Sandler’s Obvious Cries For Help?

by Connor Toole

Yesterday, we posted a video of Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore performing a song together on a recent episode of "The Tonight Show."

At the time, I joked about Sandler's outfit, which was one blue-striped jacket away from the official uniform of an Eastern European drug dealer:

It’s no secret that Adam Sandler could not care less what people think about him. That has been quite clear based on almost everything he’s done in the past 10 years.

So it's not exactly shocking that he'd show up on a major talk show wearing the same thing he'd probably have on while taking of pint of Phish Food to the face and watching an episode of "Maury."

That's just Sandler being Sandler, right? Wrong.

I don't know what it was, but as I watched him halfheartedly shuffle from his seat to the microphone last night, something clicked.

For years we've stood by, idly watching Sandler slowly self-destruct, and instead of trying to figure out what the problem is, we yell at him for making movies that are obviously desperate cries for help.

He's the drunk uncle whose antics you tolerate until one day he drives his car into a tree and you suddenly wonder why you never did anything to help.

It's not like the warning signs have been subtle. "Funny People" was a two-and-a-half-hour-long plea for an intervention that somehow went unheeded, and subsequent movies, such as "Jack and Jill" and "Grown Ups 2," might as well have been titled "Why Has Nobody Come To My Rescue Yet?" and "Seriously, Somebody Stop Me Before It's Too Late!"

I can only guess part of the reason Sandler showed up to Andy Samberg's wedding weekend acting like the father from "That's My Boy" was that he was hoping someone would think being totally in character was slightly out of character.

But no -- again, it's just Sandler being Sandler. This mentality has to change.

I don't know exactly what the problem is.

My best guess is, he made a Faustian pact with The Devil, who promised to give him a few hits at the start of his career on the condition that the quality of his movies and wardrobe would progressively get worse and now Sandler wants out.

Another possibility is that he's an alien stranded on Earth hoping that one of his space brethren will pick up a signal and realize what terrible shape he's in (which, upon writing down, I realize is essentially the plot of "ET").

Maybe scathing criticism is the only thing that makes him feel alive anymore. I don't know the answer. I just know he needs our help.

It's not fair that the man who brought us "The Hanukkah Song" and some of the most quotable movies of the 90s should have to suffer like Adam Sandler clearly is. It's not fair to us. It's not fair to him.

So if Rob Schneider, David Spade and that other guy from all his movies are reading this (as I'm sure they are), please do something. For everyone's sake.