In 2004, a 17-year-old named J-Kwon took the music world by storm when he released "Tipsy," an ode to underage drinking that high schoolers around the country sang along to while wishing they were as cool as the St. Louis native.
I'd love to say that J-Kwon was able to capitalize on his success, win a bunch of Grammys and marry Paris Hilton in a high-profile ceremony before shifting his focus to high art and fashion, but J-Kwon is not Kanye West.
That's not to say the two don't have something in common: Kanye once mentioned "Tipsy" is his favorite song of all time (he didn't mention where he ranks the video):
People would think that's like a lower-quality, less intellectual form of hip-hop, but that's always my No. 1.
Unfortunately, J-Kwon's career path is best described as "Kanye's career path flipped upside down."
I realized this earlier today while playing a game I like to call "How Many Followers Does That Obscure Celebrity Have On Twitter?" I thought he might be dead (as did his label in 2010), but it turns out he's still hustling.
I wasn't shocked to see him sitting at a slightly respectable 5,500:
It was his most recent retweet that really caught me off-guard:
Getting Tipsy with us 3-21-15? @MikeEsterman@JKwon_HoodHop@VisitMariettaOH@MariettaTimes@MttaMainSt@DJETraynpic.twitter.com/Z0qraoM5nW — The Adelphia (@theadelphia) February 7, 2015
I'm not sure what surprised me more: that J-Kwon is still making appearance in 2015 (even if it is in the middle of nowhere) or that the now 28-year-old is (presumably) still performing a song about sneaking into the club with a fake ID.
I can't say I blame him -- a man's got to do what a man's got to do to get fun coupons:
JusT Woke Up 2Day Like Fuck IT Letz Go 2 NY .... My ✈ JusT Landed N DaT BiG APPLE Got 2 SpEnD These FuN Coupons #HHM pic.twitter.com/sl6yS7fR0N — J-kwon Jones (@JKwon_HoodHop) July 31, 2014
At the end of the day, J-Kwon has what everybody really wants: a gravy train he's been able to ride for a solid decade, a Twitter following in the thousands and the eternal admiration of Our Lord And Savior, Kanye West.
I think most people would take that life even if it meant performing a song that no longer makes sense every once in a while...
Especially when it means you're the subject of tweets like this for the rest of your life:
.@JKwon_HoodHop currently at a club and errbody isn't getting tipsy. Any pointers? — Luke (@mippey5) December 28, 2014
Finally, I'm looking for the name of a nice hotel in Marietta, OH, if anybody has any tips. I might take a weekend trip there sometime this month.