Guy Gives Pet Store Animals Ridiculous New Names By Switching Up Labels (Photos)

Ah, pet stores.

They are lovely repositories for the scared exotic creatures and small cages we stare at while pretending to buy something.

Pet stores always have a particular perfume of sawdust mixed with manure, reminding you of the hamsters you watched die in your kindergarten class.

I honestly can't think of any way you could make pet stores better or more enjoyable. They are simply perfect. We could maybe add more Pokémon to them, but I'm told they are extinct (apparently, ancient humans made them all kill each other for sport).

One man, however -- they call him a prankster -- decided to try to improve the pet store experience by replacing the creatures' names with fake labels he presumably made at home.

Judgmental Tree Frog

This frog is great to keep in your room if you have trouble feeling ashamed while masturbating.

And for a small fee, you may also purchase a frog-sized scarf and a tiny "decent cup of espresso" to help enhance the amphibian's judgmental skills.

Haitian Voodoo Death Bird

I had one of these birds as a kid. It gave me great advice. I once asked it if I should ask a girl out for a date, and it told me to go for it because soon enough, Satan's minions will rise up and enter us all into a new age of anguish and unending darkness.

Baby Godzilla Lizard

Unfortunately, as it grows, you may have to purchase larger and larger cages that can be found at your local pet store or area 51 or wherever.

Invisible Jenny

This exotic fish was only discovered quite recently when a marine biologist accidentally drank one.

Gym Rat

These little dudes have big appetites, but they also have a tendency to shout at themselves in the mirror and wear "Suns Out, Guns Out" tank tops all year long.

Fieri Hamster

No one is sure why this hamster is so popular, as it is very ugly and has little to no signs of intelligence. Although, some believe it is its weird hair that attracts ex-'N Sync fans.

Regular Boring Normal Turtle

This is the turtle you picture when you picture a turtle. It is also known by its Greek name, "not the big one," or more colloquially as "not the one that bites."

Citations: Guy Replace Pet Names in Pet Store With Hilarious Labels (Bored Panda)