Can You Tell The Fake April Fools' Day Headlines From The Real Ones?
Today is April Fools' Day, the inherently illogical holiday when people go out of their way to play practical jokes on other people on the only day of the year every single person is expecting them.
I observed a disturbing trend this year when a number of people decided to ignore one of the most basic rules of the holiday by rolling out jokes on March 31.
I guess someone forgot to inform me we decided to care more about the International Date Line than what I thought was the standard measure: American Mean Time (like Greenwich Mean Time, only six hours earlier and in a place people have heard of).
As a result, I was forced to think extra carefully about whether or not the headlines I was reading were actually real, and I found it was a lot harder than I'd anticipated (Full disclosure: I may just be a little slow).
Hopefully, you do a better job than I did when it comes to figuring out who's lying to you.
Madame Tussauds is paying someone money to hand out tissues to grieving One Direction fans.
It may be a transparent publicity stunt, but at least the museum is committing.
Motorola tries to do the impossible by making the selfie stick less tacky.
The selfie stick is an objectively terrible thing used by the kind of people who coordinate the colors of their visors and fanny packs when vacationing places that have too many stores with customized t-shirts.
Motorola did what it could to make it classy, but thankfully, it stopped short of making it into a real product.
Verdict: Fake, but it's probably just a matter of time.
The Selfie Shoe lets you look at things from a whole new perspective (specifically, the end of your leg).
As mentioned above, the selfie stick is anything but stylish, and Miz Mooz offered an alternative to Motorola's solution when it announced the release of the Selfie Shoe (a shoe you take selfies with).
It caused at least one person to lose his or her faith in humanity, but hopefully, he or she will be able to restore it after discovering the shoe isn't actually real.
Amazon makes 1-Click shopping a lot more literal.
Amazon's 1-Click service is a godsend for anyone who wants to simplify the online experience, and it's the mortal enemy of people who have a tendency to get drunk and order things they can't really afford on the Internet.
When Amazon announced it was launching a physical version for basic household goods, I laughed at the easy joke and moved on with my life. Then I discovered it was serious.
Let's hope the anti-drunk safeguard actually works.
Triplets got married on the same day (complete with a picture anyone could Photoshop).
Triplet sisters getting married on the same day! Grooms not knowing who their bride really is! Alan Rickman presumably playing the no-nonsense preacher trying to keep everything under control!
It has all the makings of a romantic comedy I'd never go see, but it turns out three sisters in Brazil decided planning three separate weddings (including different dresses) was simply too much work.
Ikea makes a sofa cats can't destroy.
Ikea, the worldwide leader in furniture containing symbols you don't know the names of, announced it finally figured out a way to counteract a cat's natural instinct to destroy everything it can get its claws on.
While I wouldn't be surprised to hear IKEA was making furniture out of corrugated cardboard, the cat-proof Kät is currently out of stock at every store in the world because it doesn't exist in the first place.
Verdict: Fake, but it's probably real in Japan.
The Mirror creates the kind of headline editors will literally kill for.
When I first saw this headline, I assumed the tabloid was taking an opportunity to poke fun at itself by attempting to come up with the most ridiculous combination of words possible.
It turns out the editorial staff just got really lucky. I wish these two nothing but happiness in the future.
Hulu launches a service your cat can use while destroying your sofa.
Parents have always relied on television to act as a virtual babysitter when the kids get too annoying, but due to the lack of pet-friendly programming currently available, it's a lot harder to do this with your dog or cat.
Hulu decided to remedy that problem with "Hulu Pets." The service features programs -- like "The Real Pugs of Portland" -- that are, sadly, not being made into actual series while the cast members of "The Big Bang Theory" continue to get paid for their acting skills.
Life is so cruel.
Uber continues its quest for world transportation domination with UberBoat in Thailand.
Uber has a reputation for doing whatever it can to stay on top, so when I heard it was introducing a boat service to serve the citizens of the waterlogged city of Bangkok, I assumed this was just another shrewd move to expand its reach.
However, despite the frequency of floods in Thailand, entering "HELPIDONTLIVEONAHILL" into your Uber app won't actually come in handy if you find yourself stranded on the second story of a seedy dive bar.
You've been warned ahead of time.
Michael Jackson used to make prank calls to Russell Crowe to entertain himself.
When I saw this headline, I assumed a couple of editors decided celebrities prank calling each other is a hilarious idea and threw two darts at a wall covered in Post-it notes with famous people's names to fill in the blanks.
That was the only way I could explain this seemingly random pairing, but the joke was on me when I discovered it wasn't a joke at all.
Verdict: Real and amazing