I know I'm not the only woman who's starting to worry that my face is wilting.
If my face was a slice of pie in a display case, I'd probably guess it was one of those that got left out for, like, two days too long.
I feel like I'm rapidly approaching the day when I look in the mirror and feel like my reflection looks less like a face, and more like the bag it came in.
And when I heard about the Facial Fitness PAO tool that works out your facial muscles, I was even a little excited.
But, the enthusiasm surrounding the invention was less to do with its effectiveness and more to do with its flying blowjob design.
At first glance, the PAO looks like a propeller for your mouth.
I mean, it's a weird design. But you put those little colored weights on, and... OK, it seems innocent enough.
The video for the Japanese fitness gadget is full of all kinds of helpful information and exemplary pictures about the importance of working out your facial muscles.
The image of the model on the right has been altered like a Snapchat old lady filter in order to exhibit what happens when you're an idiot who doesn't work out your face.
Your cheeks will start to sag, and you will end up looking like a ventriloquist's puppet.
Luckily, this model has made the bright decision to use the Facial Fitness PAO device. She just pops it in her face hole and bobs her head for 15 minutes a day.
Because she's found the key to everlasting youth, it's super easy for her to ignore that she's sucking on a ball gag with wings!
If you thought the Shake Weight was the last you'd see of these ambiguously sexual fitness trends, you were way off.
Jerkin' and blowin' your way to a fit body is just the beginning.
At this point, I have to ask the people who are buying these things, why are you going to such lengths to avoid doing this stuff the FUN way?