You probably know the fate Julius Caesar suffered on the Ides of March, but that has nothing on the horrors accountants and procrastinators around the country face on the Ides of April every single year.
Today is Tax Day, which means you only have a few hours to file unless you want the IRS to give you more reasons to hate bureaucracy and follow through on your threat to move to Canada after Obama was elected.
There's a pretty good chance you're going to end up with a little extra money to pay your bills when everything is said and done, but there are still a few unfortunate souls out there who will owe the government some cash.
When this happens, you have two options: Either pay, or come up with an excuse for why you can't.
If you're going to go with the second option, you'll want to come up with a better story than some of the ones people have used to get out of paying in the past.
He was also probably having a lot of sex with his smoking hot wife.
If your lawyer tells you to go with The Humblebrag Defense, it's time to find a new lawyer.
It sounds like they need to re-evaluate their business plan.
I'd suggest either "spend less money," "sell more cocaine" or "find a new line of business."
Foolproof strategy. They'll never find him now.
I'm sure they'd be happy to put him on it as soon as it exists.
Good luck trying to argue with The Messiah and the Witness From Heaven, Owner of America.
That's a battle only the bravest CPAs would attempt to fight.
I assume this is one of their followers.
I'm guessing The Messiah is also a big fan of Rand Paul and Bitcoin.
I don't think this guy knows what slavery is.
Hint: If there are wages involved, you're probably not one.
In fairness, the IRS won't break your kneecap when you make a late payment.
They'll just take your money and make it impossible for you to get out of debt if you end up having your kneecap broken.
At least this guy had an end game.
Nobody said the game itself was a good idea.
There's a reason the cost of living in New York City is so high.
Successful people don't take the subway.
That actually sounds kind of reasonable.
Come on, federal government. It's really the least you can do.
There's more money in the "handcrafted goods from rural Pennsylvania" business than you'd think.
"Is there a neckbeard tax?"
This is also known as "'Office Space Syndrome."
Spousal separation is definitely not required.
"Umm, I mean... what embezzled money?"
You can't pay taxes on money that doesn't exist (wink wink).
It's hard to e-file when you can't get service in the desolate cabin you're hiding in.
You could try to file the traditional way, but it's also difficult to find a mailbox in the middle of the woods.
"We severely overestimated the market for polka-inspired electronica."
It could have happened to anyone.
"They said I also have jail and fine phobia."
"Basically, I don't like things I don't like."
I don't see how this plan could possibly fail now that he's told them about it.
The element of surprise is overrated.
As someone who knows about as much about the law as this guy, that sounds like double jeopardy to me.
It sounds like his parents severely misinterpreted the meaning of, "It's no use crying over spilt milk."