14 College Dorm Posters People Will (And Should) Judge You For Having
The first few weeks of college can be a stressful time as students are forced to make important decisions like, "Do I really want to take these classes?" and "Do we know someone who can buy us alcohol until Dave turns 21 in November?"
However, those two questions pale in significance compared to the single most important decision a college student can make at the beginning of the year: which cliché posters they're going to use to plaster the walls of their room.
Given the typical dorm decor (wood with more wood and some wood thrown in for good measure), there isn't a ton of room to customize besides acting like it's cool to sleep in a bunk bed past the age of 10.
As a result, the poster you have on your wall is going to be one of the things people immediately judge you for when they walk into your room. Here are some of the most popular ones.
That picture of Audrey Hepburn
This poster is perfect for anyone who wants to say, "I'm a strong and free-spirited person who occasionally smokes American Spirits during the walk between classes" without uttering a single word.
There's also a fun game you can play if you come across this poster and don't care about whether or not its owner ever talks to you again: Asking the person to name an Audrey Hepburn movie that's not "Breakfast at Tiffany's."
Anything involving Marilyn Monroe
Especially if it features a quote she never actually uttered.
Anything involving Bob Marley
WARNING: As soon as you see this poster, it's only a matter of time until its owner pulls out an acoustic guitar and starts to sing "Three Little Birds." It's kind of like the tape from "The Ring," only the punishment is infinitely more terrifying.
Bonus points for picking out a poster that says "Bob Marley" at the bottom as if there's another iconic Jamaican reggae artist people buy posters of.
The definitive Dave Matthews poster
The Dave Matthews Band suffers from what I like to call the "Dr. Who Effect," in which an insufferable fan tarnishes the reputation of something generally enjoyable.
I might defend their music, but I won't defend any person with this above their bed. You're looking at the exact same issues as a Bob Marley poster, only this time it's going to be a terrible acoustic cover of "Ants Marching."
Run while you still can.
The "Animal House" poster without the whiskey
Hanging up this poster might be one of the most classic ways to decorate your dorm, but its timeless popularity also makes it the most unoriginal choice you can make.
The only people still purchasing these are the ones who accidentally stumbled across their campus poster sale while wearing a bootleg graphic tee inspired by the sweater John Belushi is wearing.
The "Animal House" poster with the whiskey
This person likely owns multiple retro basketball jerseys (and the corresponding snapbacks) and doesn't realize Bluto was supposed to be a cautionary tale, not a role model.
Starry Night (or literally anything considered "art")
I've personally never been a big proponent of putting art on your wall unless it's a real, actual and original piece of art. Knowing what goes on in dorm rooms (and the various liquids associated with those activities), literally no one living in one should have art on the wall.
That picture of Einstein
I'm not sure why someone would want to decorate their living space with the same poster you can find in every single middle school science classroom.
They might be trying to make some kind of statement about how your education can be both fulfilling and fun, but A) that's a lie, and B) nobody wants to hang out with the person who uses a dorm poster to make a philosophical statement.
"Scarface," the worst movie poster you can choose.
Guess who took way too much interior decorating advice from the people featured on "MTV's Cribs"?
"Pulp Fiction," the second worst movie poster you can choose.
This person is probably a film major who's never actually been behind a camera before and thinks his or her taste in cinema is refined after seeing "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" a bunch of times.
Keep Calm And Anything
Let's just end this already.
Any poster that attempts to frame your problems with alcohol in a scientific light.
You see, it's funny because at first you think it's an actual periodic table before realizing it's just a list of drinks that will never be consumed in a dorm because they contain more than two ingredients and only fill up a quarter of a Solo cup.
Flow charts concerning styles of beer or whiskey should also be avoided if possible.
This is the perfect poster for people who want to let the world know they appreciate the female form but also haven't prepared for the possibility of an actual female ever entering the room.
To their credit, people who buy this aren't just in it for the butts. You can assume they also appreciate clever wordplay, which is a lot more than you can say about...
The one with the two girls making out.
The person who buys this has multiple terabytes of porn spanning genres and decades and is looking for any excuse possible to tell you all about it.