What Celebs Are Really Thinking When They Pose For Instagram Photos
Social media can be an incredibly valuable tool for finding out which of your relatives are racists, but it's also a breeding ground for vanity and a place where people who are unhappy with reality can construct one of their own.
Every platform has its fair share of overdone posts and thinly-veiled cries for attention, and despite (or perhaps due to) employing these proven approaches, Australian Essena O'Neill eventually earned the ambiguously defined title of "social media celebrity."
Last week, O'Neill called herself out for being a walking cliché when she deleted thousands of Instagram posts and edited the remaining captions to reveal the vapid truth behind the photos that had earned her a following of close to 600,000 people.
The new captions are depressingly true and refreshingly blunt, and it makes you wish all people would be a bit more honest about why they posted that picture of them in Dubai snorting a line of caviar with a hundred dollar bill.
It would be nice to live in a world where every other celebrity on Instagram took a page from Essena's book, but that's probably not going to happen.
That's where we come in.
"I got my dick like 68 percent hard for this."
"This is a fake window, and I’m cold."
Kim and Kanye
"We told the paparazzi we were coming."
"I thought people might like me more if they thought I could skateboard."
"This is a picture of my very expensive cat destroying my very expensive chair made of dead animals. What I’m saying is: I’m rich."
"Yeah, I have a jet."
"I have my hands up because it makes my jacket hang open to show off my torso, which is the Internet’s second favorite part of me. The Internet’s #1 favorite part of me is, of course, my BRAIN. Haha JK. It’s my big, spherical butt."
"This is the only picture The Rock would take with me, and it’s just a still from the movie."
"I am pretending I fill my own tank because, of course, I don’t do that."
"People think it’s sexy when I touch my hair, so that’s what I’m going to do."
"Sitting like this makes my butt look dope."
"Look how many people thought I looked good today too!"
"This butterfly is dead."
"I have successfully tricked you into looking at my toned musculature."
Kylie Jenner, again
"I look good even in places where people have diarrhea."
"These dumb dogs like me so you should too."
"I have a boat."
Miley Cyrus, again
"It took me an hour to get these f*cking cats to cover my sh*t right. I had to sedate the one in my arms."
"I’m weird. Look at how weird I am."
"I know there are a lot of pictures of me already. But I thought the world needed one more."