Dating is like popping pimples: Sometimes they're just not ready yet.
Or, at least, that's what the pimples tell you -- the actual reason is probably that the pimples just want to be popped by someone else.
Whatever the reason, it's really sad when a pimple breaks up with you.
Everyone copes with heartbreak in a different way. Some people eat their sadness, some people f*ck their sadness and some people drink their sadness. I'm interested in the last of those options.
OK, let's begin.
I'm not as good at drawing girls, OK? Accept it.
This is a metaphorical heart. If your heart actually looks like this, you are dead.
Fun fact: Dogs can't sweat for the same reason (because they are too sad you don't speak the same language as them).
Never feed deer your campfire marshmallows. They go straight through them. Take my word for it. I know, like, a f*ckload of deer.
This way your excessive post-break-up drinking at least has rules -- and isn't just a white wine free-for-all until you fall asleep in the bathtub wearing last year's Halloween costume.