It's mid December, and that means three things: No money, seasonal depression and holiday parties.
Whether the party is with your coworkers, friends or family members, one thing is for sure -- something bad is bound to happen.
Everyone's had something bad happen to them at a holiday party. You can't expect to mix eggnog, Christmas music and past holiday memories without someone ending up in tears.
However, your misfortune is going to depend largely on (how much you believe in) astrology.
Based on your sign, your particular embarrassing moment can range from a public fart to a public breakdown.
Fear not, though. If you happen to hook up with a coworker or hear your grandparents talk about their sex life or even text your ex that you miss them, know you're not the only one.
And don't worry, we have the superlatives to seal your fate.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
If you're a Capricorn, you're already pissed you have to wait in line for something. It's the holidays, so where are people's holiday spirit, goddammit?!
Although you're kind of forceful in trying to to get what you want, it works. Just try to wait to cause mayhem until after you get into the party, so you don't get kicked out too early.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
You can't get anything past an Aquarius. You're a good date to bring to a party because you won't be on top of your plus one all night.
However, no matter where you are, if someone does something shitty, you're going to let them know.
If it's a friend, it's all good. But if it's your boyfriend's boss, maybe wait to mention it to your SO until the morning.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Virgos makes great friends and ever better friends with benefits. Normally, Virgos are all work, no play, but when it comes to the holiday party, all bets are off.
Confidence is key, and although alcohol can't fully wash away your insecurities, know if you take someone home, he or she is super lucky.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Since when was "just an ugly sweater" party a thing? Sometimes we're seriously worried for you, Pisces. You mean well, but you always somehow end up fucking something up.
Whether it's spilling your drink or showing up to the party in the wrong theme, people always love having you around to laugh with/at you.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You'll undoubtedly have fun at the party, even if you spend half of your time in the bathroom avoiding people. Geminis like to drink, so open bar holiday parties are better than Christmas Day.
Just make sure you balance your personality traits and your mixers so you don't get caught talking to yourself.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
If you're a Taurus, you're fun to be around at a holiday party, unless it's the person dating you.
Taurus is known to be stubborn, possessive and uncompromising, which makes for a super fun drunk argument! If you want that mistletoe moment, just remember you're right all the time.
Sagittarius (November 11 - December 21)
If you're easily offended, don't start small talk with a Sagittarius at the holiday party. They don't have small talk -- they have raunchy-tell-it-like-it-is-hilarious talk.
Whether you're doing your best Melania impression or talking about the science of sharting, just do your best to "know your audience."
Aries (March 21-April 20)
I love Aries because they get shit done. They may not be the sweetest or most polite people at a party, but since when did being polite get you anywhere?
And while you're known to boldly ask for what you want, just know that asking your boss for a raise after five peppermint cocktails isn't the best idea.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Leos don't need liquid confidence to let you know what's on their mind. Just give them a mic, and they will tell you everything about themselves from their first broken bone to their first broken heart.
Leo, just remember other people have shit to say too.
Libra (September 23 - August 22)
Aw. This time of year is especially sad for Libras because if they're not sad about single, then they're sad as they seriously question if they found the one or if they're just "cuffed."
Libra, just put on that Santa hat and be jolly because if you can't make yourself happy, no one else will.
Special thanks to Troy Liquor Bar.