Facebook currently has over one billion users worldwide. One billion users!! Can you imagine how many pictures of random people’s lunches that is!?!? While Facebook has become our generations’ way of networking, stalking, and sharing trivial information about our lives, it has inadvertently become a source of some of today’s most embarrassing and awkward situations.
Just one wrong or careless click of the mouse can result in you looking like a pathetic creep, loser or flat out imbecile to hundreds of people. Here are seven ways Facebook brings out all of the foolish, self-conscious tension that is human interaction.
1) Hitting the “like” Button Accidentally
We’ve all been there before. Boredom hits an all time high and we’re stalking Facebook albums. One click leads to another and the next thing you know, you’ve accidentally hit the “like” button. Boredom is now replaced with sheer embarrassment. Just a good friend’s Family Photo? No biggie. But a friend’s high school sister in a bikini or even worse, an ex’s picture with their new arm candy? You might as well commit social media suicide.
You’re now left with several options, either a) unlike it immediately knowing that the person will still get a notification regardless (WHY!?? There should be a 10 second rule!) Or b) just go with it and pretend you did it on purpose. There’s always the option of going on a wild “like” spree, liking everything on your mini-feed and posting that you’re “account has been hacked”, or changing the name on your account to a random name and deleting all of your photos. But those are little extreme…
2) People Responding “No” or “Maybe” to an Event.
Why do people even bother doing this? If you don’t want to go to the event, just don’t respond! Responding “no” is a blatant smack in the FACEbook (Ha!). While you’re at it, why don’t you just post a giant middle finger on my wall and post that I have herpes.
But what bothers me even more is when people respond “maybe”. Maybe? Really? You have to decide how you feel that day? You’re so cool that you want your attendance to be a mystery? “Oh I wonder if Alex is gunna come or not?” Anybody who responds “maybe” to one of my Facebook invites is a huge doucher and not someone I want at my birthday party anyway!
3) Self-taken Profile Pictures
Selfies…gotta love them. Could you really not find anyone to take a picture of you? How lonely are you/how good did you think you looked that day that you felt it imperative and wise to hold out a camera in front of your face and create the most awkward/lame default picture of all-time?
Selfies are often taken in the shadiest looking bathrooms (where someone may be lying dead on the floor) and usually consist of someone holding up the peace sign and making a kissy face. If this is your idea of the quintessential profile picture, you should consider deleting your account and creating a Myspace page. Also consider jumping off a bridge.
4) Poking
I’m not quite sure who at the Facebook team invented poking, but I have good feeling he was the guy with no actual friends. Though sometimes used as a cute or funny game between couples, poking is normally used by the creepiest of creeps on Facebook who in their delusional minds think it is actually a good flirting mechanism for picking up women.
If your profile picture consist of you in a bikini or sexy outfit you can guarantee yourself at least 3 random creepy pokes a day. Although no formal study has been conducted, I think it’s safe to say that 85% of pokers are of Latino or Hispanic descent. They’re also probably virgins.
5) Posting Something From Your Exes Account
It’s common in many relationships for BFs/GFs to exchange each other’s Facebook passwords, because DUH, that obviously means they trust one another. However, when the inevitable breakup occurs, the changing of both passwords is an often forgotten process.
The only problem with being able to go on your exes Facebook account is that sometimes you forget that you’re on your exes Facebook account! Ever post something from your exes account because you thought you were on yours? How about uploading an entire album of pictures!? Awkward! It’s one thing to still go on your exes Facebook to snoop around, it’s another to accidentally post from them. Now everyone knows how pathetic you are.
6) Depressing Statuses
I understand Facebook is a place for people to express themselves, but it shouldn’t be used as a personal diary. It’s always such a buzz kill when you’re scanning through your mini-feed and you come across someone’s miserable status about how sad their life is.
Facebook is not a place for sadness! It’s a place for hot pictures, stalking randos, and people trying to be clever. It’s one thing to post that you’re having a bad day, it’s another thing to post a virtual suicide note. Facebook should allow users to suggest a therapist. Or at the least create a dislike button!
7) When Your Mom “likes” or Comments on Your Friend’s Status
Mom, what are you doing!? It’s bad enough when your Mom forces you to accept her friend request and comments on your statuses, but it’s another thing when she starts commenting on your friend’s statuses. Some Moms get too comfortable on Facebook and don’t understand that when they comment on someone’s wall, everyone can see it. When your friend loses his/her virginity, they don’t need the nod of approval from your Mother.
Tyler Gildin | Elite.
@TylerGildin is a New York City based comedian. For more of his "Signature 7" articles click here
