5 Perfect Hoodies To Hide In Until You Finally Get A Text Back

by Rosey Baker

So the last text you sent him was at 2 pm, and it is now 2:30. He asked if you wanted to hang out again, and you replied, "Sure!! When?"

...Obviously that was way too enthusiastic.

Two exclamation points? He asked if you wanted to hang out, not tour the Caribbean Islands.

You saw him typing a response, and thought, "Wow, this is great," but now you're realizing it was too good to be true, as those thought bubbles in your iMessage disappeared pretty quickly.

"OK, maybe he's checking his calendar," turned into, "Maybe he just lost service." Now it's, "Maybe he's dead and I honestly hope so, because he is committing emotional murder making me wait like this!"

You've already gone through the four stages of grief for the end of your potential relationship and have deleted the one pic of the two of you from your Instagram story.

But deep down, you're sad. You don't know if you can wait for him.

What kind of person has the nerve to not text you back when you're in the middle of planning a wedding -- not to mention a wedding that may not even happen because he hasn't proposed?!

Does he even KNOW the kind of stress you're under?

Nobody would blame you for wanting to crawl under your covers to cry about this, but you're a busy girl with a life to live, and you're on the move. So here are the best hoodies to hide behind until he text you back.

Some are cropped, because let's face it: You might wanna catch some dick on the fly.

The "Follow Him Around The City" Hoodie.

So you might not know his middle name yet, but you're no amateur.

You know he's a physical trainer at 24-Hour Fitness, and there are only 15 of those in the city. All you need is the perfect cover for when you finally narrow it down, catch him on his way out of work and follow him home.

If he happens to feel your fiery sexual energy behind him and looks over his shoulder, you just strike an obscure pose and blend into the nearest wall.


The Cropped "Come Get It" Hoodie.

Find yourself a hoodie that can show off your stuff and snap a quick pic for the 'Gram.

Caption it with something like "can't wait to get my gym on!" and hashtag it up with like #bodygoals or #dreamabs or whatever the fuck.

Then lay on your bed with your phone in front of your face and look for those message bubbles to pop up again through the hole in your hood, because what is he even waiting for??

The Masked Hoodie.

Every girl needs a masked hoodie for situations such as these.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, and this hoodie allows you to continually check your phone, while giving you full coverage to hide your endless stream of tears.

The "Flawless" Hoodie.

For those of you who have no trouble screaming "NEXT!!!" at the slightest hint of rejection, this hoodie is for you.

Not only is it a direct reminder that you share a gender with Beyoncé and are therefore inarguably The Shit, it is an affirmation written literally straight across your breasts.


In fact, this should be where all our best affirmations are written, and I think Beyoncé would agree with me.

The Full-Body Hoodie.

OK so it's been a full 42 hours and still, you haven't heard from this douche bag, who has obviously made the biggest mistake of his life.

In fact you had enough time to order this hoodie on amazon prime and have it delivered. You thought you were being rash. You thought you were overreacting, when you ordered this full-body down comforter with sleeves.

But in truth, you were right on the mark, and now you plan on wearing this as you mourn the death of what could've been a beautiful partnership, or at least a great one-nighter.


His loss, bitch! No man could ever provide the comfort of a full body hoodie and seven seasons of "Family Guy" anyway.