I'm really sorry that you have to find out like this, but armageddon is upon us.
Yeah, End Times Prophecies (one of humanity's finest news sources, behind "I saw it in an opium dream") says that the world is ending today, July 29. Doomsday predictors have decided that today is the day — 7 pm today, to be exact. So you still have time to go make awkward conversation with co-workers at happy hour or watch one of the "Lord of the Rings" movies IF YOU HURRY.
Here is the video laying out why the world will "surely" end today. It has 5 million views.
Anyway, I thought, as a compassionate journalist and a guy with a hot body (that second piece of information is not entirely relevant, just saying) that I'd help you salute the human race.
I've collected an array of photographs, GIFs and videos that, if viewed, will allow you to die without regret. It basically hits every important note in the symphony that is human history. I left nothing out.
You can think of it as an apocalypse care package.
Bye, humans! Bye, world! Bye, Jennifer Lawrence falling down at award shows!
Hello, hellfire!
1. This GIF of Bernie Sanders crying when his brother said their parents would be proud of him.
2. This, so we can remember the importance of family.
3. George Takei playing Pokémon Go.
4. This concise summary of your life.
5. The Carousel pitch in "Mad Men."
6. Bucket Man: the only one among us brave enough, and talented enough, to pave his own road through the jungle of life.
7. Usain Bolt winning the Olympic gold in 2008 while setting his first world record.
8. This GIF, so that we may remember what true talent looks like.
9. This poem by Frank O'Hara, so you can die thinking you were smart and knew who Frank O'Hara was.
10. No explanation necessary.
11. Humanity's finest achievement.
12. This. Always this. This until forever.
13. A picture of me gazing longingly into Jennifer Lawrence's eyes through my TV.
14. Fuck it. Whatever this is.
15. This music video for a song Bob Dylan wrote about Christmas in 2009 (so, you know, that God will let you into heaven).
16. And, finally, this GIF of Ryan Gosling asking you not to "go" — but unfortunately the world is over so there is nothing we can do about it. Sorry, Gossy. We can't take you with us. You have to stay here with the other angels.
