Let me begin by saying that the following is not meant to burst any bubbles, nor does it insinuate that I am a proponent of dirt, grunge, grease or body odor.
Actually, that's a lie. I love grunge. And honestly, the jury is still out on some good old fashioned hair grease. I mean, it's healthy for the locks, ya know? But all joking aside, the truth is that sometimes showering just isn't the euphoric experience we imagine it to be.
I know, I know ... I'm a woman and I am standing behind a belief that showering can be a nuisance. Send in the guards. I must be going insane.
Now don't get me wrong. In my opinion, there are few things better than a relaxing shower on a Sunday evening. However, even in spite of this fact, there are still times when hopping in and lathering up is nothing short of a pain in the you know where. After all, sometimes you're tired. Sometimes you're busy. Sometimes you just flat out don't feel like dealing with all things shave gel, body scrubs and hair masks. Can't a girl just live?
Whatever the reason, sometimes showering just isn't your jam. And when that's the case, you may find an excuse or two to really drive the point home.
Here are 15 excuses ladies like me know all too well when it comes to avoiding the powder room:
1. “I didn't even sweat today.”
OK, OK, fine maybe I did go to yoga. But it was restorative. That doesn't even count.
2. “I'm having a really good hair day.”
These are literally so rare, it would be going against all that is good in this world if I just threw it away with a shower. I do not feel comfortable taking responsibility for that kind of travesty.
3. “I haven't gone to the gym yet.”
Which in my mind still means I haven't sweat yet. So, if I shower now, I'll just have to shower again. That's wasting water, and I am an environmentally responsible adult.
4. “There's an 'SVU' marathon on.”
Do I even need to explain this? Olivia Benson waits for no one, especially me and my inconvenient showering schedule.
5. “My skin is feeling particularly sensitive today.”
This beautiful yet unseasonably warm weather has left the moisture in my skin on its last leg. Plus, I have a sunburn and that hurts. So, yeah, no thanks.
6. “I'm not seeing anyone important.”
My dogs don't care if I have greasy hair ... neither does my bed.
7. “I showered this morning/last night.”
AKA, I'm still clean.
8. “I'll be so cold when I get out.”
Sorry, but the distance between the hot shower and my warm bed is too damn far.
9. “I'm not going anywhere tonight/today.”
So why would I bother?
10. “I don't want to go to sleep with wet hair.”
That's the first way to catch a cold. And what's grosser, day-old hair or two leaking nostrils? You tell me.
11. “I don't want to go out with wet hair.”
Same concept, peeps.
12. “I don't want to blow out my hair.”
It's bad for my delicate locks, and it's going to hurt my arm. Plus, it takes way too long. So, no. Just, no.
13. “It's supposed to rain tomorrow.”
So, I'm going to be gross again in 12 hours regardless.
14. “It's freezing out.”
I am literally going to be dressed in six layers tomorrow. I could have onions under my sweater, and you still wouldn't be able to smell those things.
15. “I'm tired. I had such a long day.”
I'm just really, really lazy. There, OK? I said it.