Growing up, my mother constantly nagged me about acting like a lady.
I'm not sure who the hell came up with this idea, but apparently "ladies" are classy mythical creatures who smell like roses, order salads on dinner dates, don't use the F-word and certainly don't go number two.
But let's be real, we all know that's a bunch of BS because everybody poops. I mean, seriously, there's even a damn book on the subject.
Now that we've got that issue out of the way, it's time to get down to business and talk shit. Literally.
Over the past few years, there has been a growing interest in fecal transplants. Yes, fecal transplants, as in, swapping poop with a complete stranger. For medical purposes, of course.
While it may sound pretty gross, poo transplants can actually be used to treat a variety of ailments that range from multiple sclerosis and Crohn's disease to constipation, irritable bowel syndrome and even Parkinson's disease.
As a result of this discovery, scientists now want to know exactly what's in our Lincoln logs so they can figure out how these crappy cures actually work.
Yep, if you've ever wondered what is hiding inside your brown mounds, today is your lucky day because a study was just conducted at Vanderbilt University that examines the elements of your excrement.
According to one of the researchers, Seth Bordenstein,
Faeces is a complex material that contains a variety of biological and chemical entities.
Apparently, there's a lot going on in your poop: The research revealed that a single gram of healthy stool contains 100 billion bacteria and about 100 million viruses and archaea.
But that's not all. Feces also contains about 10 million colonocytes, which are human epithelial cells that protect the colon, along with a million yeast and other unicellular fungi.
When you put all of these crappy biological components together, you get a log that consists of 25 percent solid material and 75 percent water.
As far as the future of poop research is concerned, Bordenstein stated,
When scientists identify the specific cocktails that produce the positive outcomes, then they can synthesise or grow them and put them in a pill. That will go a long way to reducing the 'icky factor' that could slow public acceptance of this new form of treatment.
Seriously, talk about a shitty way to save lives.