Normally, I would say if you were taking advice from a bag of tortilla chips then you obviously had too much to drink.
Of course, there are always exceptions.
Instead of having a sober friend make sure you aren't an idiot who gets behind the wheel after a Super Bowl party, you can now trust your good friend Tostitos.
The tortilla chip of champions has launched a new special-edition bag that comes with a built-in breathalyzer to detect any trace of the devil's hooch on your breath.
It knows you've been drinking like a chaperone at your high school prom, flashes a red steering wheel and gives you a discount code for $10 off an Uber. (It is only valid on Super Bowl Sunday.)
Unlike that high school prom chaperone, however, instead of calling your parents when you've had too much to function, the Tostitos bag will actually call the Uber for you.
If you tap your smartphone to the bag, it will ring you up a ride.
And yes, I am currently picturing drunk-me saying "I can't figure this out!" and handing my phone to a bag instead of my slightly less intoxicated friend.
In fact... a bag that gives me delicious chips, tells me not to drive drunk and orders me a ride home???
Who needs friends? The year is 2017, and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.
Sadly, just a few of these fancy bags are being made, and you can't buy them at retailers.
However, you can still get an Uber coupon on a regular bag of the chips and have your friend pretend to be a robot voice as you blow on it like...
BZZT. DO. NOT. DRIVE. A-WOOO-GAAAA. INTOXICATION LEVEL TOO HIGH.
Terrible robot impressions, for the record, get better friends.
The Frito-Lay-owned brand teamed up with Uber and Mothers Against Drunk Driving to create the bag.
Delanie Walker, the Tennessee Titans tight end, will serve as the face of the campaign. In 2013, his aunt and uncle were killed by a drunk driver after watching him play in the Super Bowl.
Super Bowl Sunday routinely has a high number of drunk driving deaths. Last year, 45 Americans were killed in alcohol-related crashes.
Frito-Lay hopes to remove 25,000 cars from the road on that Sunday.
If a bag of tortilla chips knows better than to drive drunk, you should, too.