As if my ovaries aren't confused enough of the damn time, the sexy Santa phenomenon is messing with my sexual cues.
Two weeks ago, Toronto-based Fashion Santa helped us all come to terms with the fact that Santa is a (Canadian) man with needs.
Now, a second sensual St. Nick emerged from Mexico, a country also known for bordering the United States and exporting, among other things, totally f*ckable creatures of legend.
Mr. Claus is a model for El Palacio de Hierro, a major Mexican department store, BuzzFeed reports.
Cuando elijo un abrigo pienso en dos cosas: que tenga un estilo increíble y que sea adecuado para arropar a una mujer del frío. Posted by Mr. Claus on Saturday, December 19, 2015
His eyes are as piercing as the cold he rarely experiences.
Hay quienes tienen perros, gatos o incluso cerditos vietnamitas... yo simplemente prefiero los renos. Posted by Mr. Claus on Friday, December 11, 2015
His beard is a thick, lush garden of holiday dreams.
La barba separa a los hombres de los niños. Les diría dónde me hago la mía, pero hay secretos que un caballero no debe confesar. Posted by Mr. Claus on Monday, December 7, 2015
On Facebook, he claims "the beard separates the men from the boys," though I imagine it smells of peppermint and sleigh varnish.
He has a ton of Oxford shoes, which is classy as sh*t.
Los zapatos Oxford son un detalle distintivo para un look casual, por eso tengo varios pares en mi armario. Posted by Mr. Claus on Sunday, December 6, 2015
Mr. Claus is one chic señor, essentially. He'll eat your milk and cookies to be polite, but then he'll wear all black to hide his snack belly.
No te preocupes por lo que hay sobre tu arbolito de Navidad, ocúpate de lo que habrá debajo de él. Posted by Mr. Claus on Tuesday, December 8, 2015
JUST KIDDING. THERE IS NO SNACK BELLY. HE IS A PERFECT SPECIMEN.
Sólo faltan cuatro días para encontrarnos. #AmoMiTrabajo Posted by Mr. Claus on Monday, December 21, 2015
People are understandably losing every last ounce of chill and tweeting #QueridoMrClaus.
Could you introduce me to Claus Jr?
This year I was a bad girl.
I would like to leave my letter to Santa personally.
Enjoy these sexy Santas while you can, folks. Something tells me Hot Baby New Year is going to be a real bummer.