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Who Will Win Rachel's Heart On 'The Bachelorette'?

Code red everybody. Chris Harrison just revealed the cast for Rachel Lindsay's season of The Bachelorette and WE HAVE SOME PREDICTIONS.

Harrison has been teasing the release all week, and now all of America is stocking up on wine, Doritos and comfortable PJs to hunker down and get. Into. This. Ish.

The list of men is nothing if not beautiful, and while I'm sure there will be ups and downs, hearts won and hearts broken, I have a theory or two about who our front runners are going to be.

Based entirely on the vain characteristics of looks, career, age and literally nothing else, here is who we think will be the top fighting for Rachel's heart.

The Wild Card -- Jonathan, 31, Tickle Monster

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Anyone willing to go on national television and proclaim themselves the "Tickle Monster" is OBVIOUSLY in it to win it.

Sure -- it could totally backfire, and theres a 50/50 chance he's a psychopath with a weird tickle fetish, but it could also be that he is doing anything he can to stand out and separate himself from the pack.

Mr. History -- Fred, 27, Executive Assistant

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Talk about strategy and having an ace card in your back pocket. Fred actually had Rachel as a camp counselor, which means what? Anybody? MEMORIES. SHARED EXPERIENCE. CONNECTION.

Plus, his name is Fred, and I can't think of one Fred I've met that I didn't like.

Classic Prince Charming -- Bryce, 30, Firefighter

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Can't go wrong with a classic tall dark and handsome glass of water. Literally.

Is there a more firefighter-y name than Bryce? No. Is there a more Bryce-y looking guy than this? No. Is his jaw line something to marvel? Yes.

If Rachel wants someone to throw her over her shoulder and defend her honor, she's got it.

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Of course, massive upsets, tie breakers and overtime are all possible in the game of The Bachelorette, and there's no guarantee any of these men will walk away with the last rose.

I'm on the DL placing my bets on Tickle Monster, and can't wait to tune into the premiere Monday night on ABC.