Love died on Tuesday.
Miss Piggy is officially getting divorced from Kermit the Frog. Maybe divorced isn't the right word. I don't think they ever officially got married.
They were at least common-law married, though. I'm deflecting.
The important part to know is Miss Piggy announced today on Facebook she and Kermit are no longer romantically connected, and the world is all of a sudden a little darker.
This better be a joke, ABC. This BETTER be a joke. I emotionally can't handle this not being a joke.
After careful thought, thoughtful consideration and considerable squabbling, Kermit the Frog and moi have made the... Posted by Miss Piggy on Tuesday, August 4, 2015
If, by some miracle, this is a publicity stunt, this is one effed-up way to get viewers to watch "The Muppets," especially in light of all the public separations happening this summer.
The Internet has literally become one long stream of powerhouse couples calling it quits on their marriages, subsequently ending my "love conquers all" belief.
Love conquers nothing.
You ever wonder why Paris, specifically, is the city of love?
It's because Paris is in France, and France has a worse record than the New York Knicks when it comes to being victorious at something.
If you need me, I'll be crying under my blanket for the next six weeks.